Page 9 of Off Side

DREW

It wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be spilling her grandfather’s plan to Sam. I mean, she doesn’t know everything about me yet, but at least she’s going to let me stay and work something out. I probably appeared a bit too eager, but I really don’t care. I need this to work, and at this point, I would lick her shoes clean if she asked and it meant my dreams weren’t in jeopardy. Hell, I was willing to run out and make her a loaf of bread, for fuck’s sake, just to make sure she was happy.

I move around the kitchen getting what I need to make the bread for tomorrow. I’m short on time, so I set the bread machine up and set a timer instead of doing the whole mixing and kneading thing myself. I can provide the comfort food I know she will need. From what Tom told me, she never caught on to cooking and revealed, one time, she tried to bake him a special cake and put too much batter in the pan. It actually caught fire in the oven. She was so embarrassed, and I can’t really blame her for that because I bet it would have been funny as hell to see. I have a smile on my face as I move around, getting the slow cooker out again. It’s easy to throw everything in, and ta-da, you have dinner ready. I decide to go with a spaghetti sauce. We can turn the bread into some garlic bread and cook the pasta tomorrow. Carbs are comforting, and tomorrow will be another hard day.

I realize I left my phone in my truck and run out to get it. I glance into the back of Sam’s truck as I pass it, noticing the back is still full of bags. Are there things in there that might freeze? She obviously brought some in since she had clean clothes on. Trying the door, I find it unlocked, so I decide to bring them in for her just in case. I set them in the hallway outside her door. I raise my fist, thinking I would let her know they are there and wish her goodnight, but as I’m about to knock, I hear a quiet sob. Shit, she’s crying in her room all alone, and I don’t really know why. I mean, I know why, but I wonder why she didn’t cry during our talk. My first instinct is to open the door and rush in to help, but I can’t. I have to let her come to me, and I can’t intrude. I turn and walk the few steps over to my door. I don’t understand why my heart is squeezing painfully. With a final glance back, I decide to get some sleep and see how tomorrow goes.

SAM

I was not expecting to feel so overwhelmed with emotions when Drew spilled his story. Every feeling under the sun was coursing through me. As soon as I reached my room, I collapsed onto my bed and pulled over a pillow to muffle my sobs. I’m pretty sure a gallon of snot was flowing, and it was the ugliest cry I’ve ever had in my life. Yes, I cried when Grandpa died, but this felt like I finally acknowledged the hole left in my life from his passing. The sadness of losing one of my closest people was crushing me.

Add the anxiety of trying to take on this coaching position, and I felt like I was suffocating. The overwhelming urge to be perfect and not disappoint Drew was the cherry on top. I feel hopeless and want to run back out to my truck and drive away. That’s what I do when things get difficult; I run away and don’t deal with the problems. Like what I left behind in Minnesota, and thinking about that brings on a fresh round of tears. I fucked up and I never want to show my face there again. But that’s yet another of my issues I will bury for now and not deal with unless I’m actually forced to do it.

After I’ve cried enough that I don’t think I could cry any more, I get up to check myself in the bathroom mirror. Yeesh. Hot mess doesn’t even begin to describe the puffiness and redness of my eyes, or the snot still on my face. Such an attractive picture I make. I take out a wash cloth and dampen it with cool water. I wipe my eyes and try to find my eyedrops so I can at least look like I’ve slept some when the morning comes. That’s when I realize I didn’t bring in the rest of my bags from the truck, and my eyedrops are out there. I let out a low groan because I really don’t want to go out, but now I have to. I haven’t heard Drew moving around for a while; I’m really hoping he’s gone to bed, and I can run down to get a few things and hide out. I rather he not see this side of me. I open my bedroom door and stop.

All of my bags are right outside my door already. Drew must have brought them all in for me. I look over to his closed door and find it closed. I guess he’s already gone to bed. Quietly, I move them into my room and notice a note tucked into the handle of one bag. I carefully unfold it.

Sam, please know you can talk to me about anything. I don’t judge, and sometimes, it feels better to unload rather than carry a burden. I’ve been there. Drew

He must have heard me crying. Of course, he has to show some thoughtfulness on top of his vulnerability and his cooking skills. There’s another check mark on my list filled. I swore off men after my last disaster, and Drew is not making it easy for me to find him unappealing. There’s no way I’m going to get sucked in by some man again and lose even more of my self-worth and confidence.

Fuck, Drew, why do you have to come across so damn nice?I’d prefer you stay the asshole from the rink who showed me his junk, instead of some nice caring hot guy with a huge heart.

I’m so screwed.

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