Maybe it wouldn’t matter.
Because no matter how far he ran?—
He still felt trapped.
CHAPTER 18
NORTH CAROLINA
People she didn’t know moved all around her. The church’s high, pointed ceilings made Adria feel so small. She didn’t want to be here. She just wanted everyone to go away.
The piano played. A large sound that filled the room. Adria hated it. People around her moved to sit, and soft hands guided her to a bench nearest with her father and Jonathan.
Didn’t they understand that she didn’t want to sit next to them?
Didn’t they understand that she didn’t want to be here at all?
The man in black stood at the front of the church and spoke.
He spoke about her mother. About what a great wife and mother she was.
But how could she be a good mother if she left?
Adria kicked the bench in front of her. She did it over and over, until her father put his hand on her knee, stopping her.
She squirmed under his touch, but stopped her kicking.
The man in black stopped talking.
People got up and walked to the casket. Adria watched as people she had never seen in her life left flowers or spoke soft words.
When almost everyone was gone, her father got up. Instead of moving to the coffin, he turned and walked out. Jonathan reached his hand out, trying to take hers. Adria shook her head. She didn’t want to.
“Princess,” he said, kneeling down. “If you want to say goodbye to your mother, now is your chance.”
But she didn’t want to say goodbye. She didn’t want her mother to go away. She needed her here. Didn’t he understand?
Adria shook her head, wetness running down her cheeks. Jonathan reached out and caught one of her tears with his finger. She watched as he brought the tear to his lips and inside his mouth.
“I’ll say goodbye now,” she said, her voice shaky.
He moved away from her, and she felt her breathing ease.
“Alone,” she said with more force.
He smiled, like her command was funny, but he left.
Adria stood in the aisle. Staring at the black box. Shiny, it reflected sunlight into the room.
It took her a while to gather the courage to move. When she was close enough, she reached out her small hand and tentatively touched the smooth exterior.
Pressing herself closer, she forgot it was a box. Instead, she pressed herself closer to her mother. She cried freely now and whispered all the reasons her mother should come back.
“You said I have to be brave. That Federovs keep going no matter what.”
She pressed herself even closer. Why couldn’t she see her? Just one last time.
“Please wake up! Please don’t do this.”