Page 62 of Jaded

Before I can decide, the arena emerges from between glossy skyscrapers, sandwiched at the base of towering office buildings and luxury condos.

Calm settles in my bones.

We collect our bags, file into the locker room. I close my eyes, and the tang of ice and sweat could be any rink.

“Yo, James!” Charlie’s shout pulls me back to reality. “Your seat’s over here, man.”

He slaps an open palm on the bench beside him. Of course. Because hockey is all about ritual. It must be observed, every game, lest one risk upsetting the hockey overlords.

“Naturally.” I slide onto the varnished wood. “Bench buddies for life. Is there a name for that?”

“B-B-F-L?” Charlie’s brows knit into a deep furrow as he leans over his bag to extract his dryland shorts. “Ben Buds? That sounds like some kind of weird pot thing—”

The buzz of my phone on the bench dashes any trace of good feelings, coils my stomach into a rope of ill-tied knots.

I lift my phone, illuminate the screen.

NT: Good luck today. You got this, Captain.

And it’s like I can see him in front of me, throwing back the doubt with the brightness, the intensity, of his faith.

I grin, type out my own response.You know it.

And I do something I definitely should not do. Ever.

I let myself sink into this bubbly feeling. Let it consume me. Not the silly bar kiss, but the way he looked at me when we sat in the stands, those green eyes so intense, like I was the only thing he saw.

The smile.

The way he talked about music. The way he read me on the ice. The way he always reads me, like he sees right through all my masks.

Nobody’s ever made me feel like that before—

“Yo, James!” Charlie’s voice once again rips me from the clouds and plunks me back onto my bench seat. “Hell’re you smiling about instead of getting dressed?”

Crap. I resist the urge to mash my fingers against my face to check. I am sitting here, grinning like an idiot, while everyone else changes. “Just so excited for this game.”

“Bullshit.” Charlie’s eyes narrow to slits, like he’s trying to read me. “Girl or guy?”

“Okay, that’s just not fair.” I toss my phone into my bag before I can look at it again, reach for my shorts. I know how dangerous it is to hang your happiness on someone else—when reality strikes, you fall so much harder.

But I’m gonna do it anyway.

“Wait, you already got a new fling?” Everton’s looking at me now too, and goddamn, I let myself play the game.

I pull my lips tight against my smile, mime turning a lock. “We got a game to focus on, boys.”

“Speak for yourself,” Charlie mutters. “You’re all buzzy.”

“Makes me play better.” I slip my shorts on, toss my button-down atop my dress pants. “Gives me energy, you know?”

Everton only grins wider. “Aww, the Cap’s in love!”

I roll my eyes, bite back another smile. Try not to letthosewords make me feel all fuzzy and funny inside.

But I’m not exaggerating. This thing with Nat, it’s a high. Maybe the headiest one I’ve ever chased. Dangerous, so dangerous. And so very alluring. A drug. A terrifying drug, because I know once the high wears off, the low will be so very dark and lonely.

And today, I’m gonna use that drug.

---