Page 49 of Second Story

“How do I feel about Joe?” That seems like a loaded question. And yes, worry was a good guess—Luke doesn’t hide his from me.

“I wanted to check in with you because I have a couple of concerns.”

About me?

Shit. I thought this trial was going okay.

He holds open the library door. “Walk and talk with me?” We get as far as the front door, where mosaic tile makes a promise that Luke suggests might not apply to Joe. “He’s returning briefly on court business, but that isn’t what I’m in two minds about. I’m more concerned about a proposal he’s suggested that might benefit more of our students.”

I’m surprised into stopping.

Luke does too within sight of children letting off steam in the playground, and from the vantage point of these few steps above them, I can see the one person I do need to guarantee a prolonged welcome.

Lenny sits at a bench covered in upturned pots and pans, bashing away with a set of drumsticks, and him making plenty of noise is what Luke brings up next. “Your brother is finding ways to be heard, even without speaking.”

I nod. “I can’t believe how fast he’s coming out of his shell.”

“There’s no hurry when it comes to anxiety disorders like selective mutism.” Luke says that as if Len’s stay here isn’t dependent on my performance. “Recovery from adverse childhood events take time, and that’s what I wanted to talkto you about. Because each recovery comes with high and low points.”

Lenny clinking his glass against Luke’s this morning was a heart-swelling high point.

Luke mentions another example that sends my heart sinking.

“Isaac, you’ve been everything for him since your mother’s arrest. Carried a load not many people could manage without folding or complaining.”

I would have done both if I hadn’t been too busy treading water.

Luke mentions Joe as if worried that he might actually sink me. “I’d hate to create another low point for you, so I have something for you to consider when Joe returns to see Noah.” Luke watches his students instead of me, doing the same, I realise, as he did with my brother over the breakfast table. Like then, he gives me space by not scrutinising my reactions. Even his prompt is gentle. “If you were planning on seeing him, that is.”

“He asked. I haven’t answered yet.”

I want to see Joe so much my phone burns a red-hot hole in my pocket, but I’m still wary of appearing to put anything but my work here first.

“I haven’t finished reorganising the library. That’s my number one priority.”

Luke still stares across the playground, still doesn’t look at me. “I hope you remember that it isn’t you on trial here. The concept of a librarian-storyteller is. We’re trialling that workload to decide if it should stay as two jobs or become one. That’s also why I wanted to check in. Because the email I got this morning could lead to Joe staying with us. Not tonight. He’ll visit Noah at home this weekend, so no need for him to come here.” He glances my way briefly. “I don’t have a problem with him returning here another time, per se. It’s the time span hisemail suggested that might be an issue, because he’d be with us for weeks. Maybe even longer.”

A drumbeat quickens even though Lenny has left his sticks behind to go play in a sandpit. “And he’d stay here?” Luke must see my surprise in the periphery of his vision.

“I won’t steal any more of Joe’s thunder but yes, potentially.” A frown flickers. “He’s come up with an offer that I would have agreed to like a shot if I hadn’t heard your story. That means I can’t discuss a full proposal with him until I consider that past trauma.”

I can’t focus on what might be in that proposal. A different word sticks in my throat, a hook that tugs me even closer. “Trauma?”

“Yes.” Luke must have spotted Lenny, who helps Maisie cross a plank bridge. His stern features soften. “That’s why I need you to think before I reply.” He faces me, no avoiding his question. “Think about this and take your time about answering. When it comes to healing, would more time around Joe help or hinder?” For a second time, he suggests I take my time. “There’s no hurry to answer.”

And for a second time today, I tell the truth. “Lenny loves him.”

My new boss just showed me worry. Now he shows surprising sweetness. “Yes. I saw that. But, no,” he says with a smile that doesn’t make me feel laughed at. It’s as supportive as his statement. “I meantyourhealing after everything you’ve been through and considering what you still have ahead.” He squares his shoulders in a move that I last saw Joe make to shield my brother from crowds in the courtyard. Luke seems to think I need the same protection.

From Joe.

“If him being here would be a sad reminder of when you felt helpless and hopeless about the future, or desperate, I’ll turnhim down, no question.” He lands a hand on my shoulder. “Joe saw you at what sounds like a very low point. Your recovery from that matters, Isaac. You’re doing it for more than one person. That double duty means you’re allowed to take the timeyouneed. Please let yourself have it.”

He jogs down the steps to join the children in the playground.

I follow, almost stumbling down the same steps in my hurry. “I don’t have anything to heal from. I’m fine.”

Luke opens his mouth as if he has more to say, only he shuts it instead, then heads off.

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