Page 29 of Nerdy Dirty Valentine

“That’s because she cares. Like I said, you have good friends at the fire station.”

I turned to him. “You don’t?”

“Oh, there are lots of nice people in my department. Minus the dean, who’s new and proving herself with all these rigid policies lately.” He examined his nails. “But teaching college is more isolated than you’d imagine.”

“I imagined you and the other English nerds talking books all day,” I teased, not liking his sad face.

“We do, in our faculty meetings. But they’re only twice a year. When I briefly taught high school, we had lunch together, but that’s not true at the college. I see my students, of course, and they’re wonderful. Such hardworking kids. But, um, we can’t really be friends. And I don’t see my colleagues enough to make friends since I’m always in my office or classroom.”

“What about opening your office door and walking into one of theirs? Invite them for lunch or whatever.”

James pinched the bridge of his nose. “You make it sound so easy. I am fine to chat about students or books, and sometimes I sit with another person from my department if we see each other in the cafeteria. But our teaching schedules don’t usually align, and even if it did, I don’t ever seem to cross that barrier from occasional hello to real friends… Mostly, this is me and my shyness. ’Cause other professors have formed friendships beyond the superficial meetings. I’msosick of how hard it is. For me to cross lines other people don’t think twice about.”

The buzzing of a tattoo gun in the next room filled the air as we gazed at each other, and I absorbed the anguish in his tone.

That sounded lonely to me. But I wasn’t certain what to say to James. Drunk or sober, I’d never had trouble making friends.

“I’m sure it can’t be easy. But life is weird and twisty. One day, things change, you know? So, keep on asking them, and the barrier might break. Who knows? One of them might get tattoos with you, like matching Jane Austen or some shit, or at least kick your ass for getting one without them.”

“Matching Mr. Darcys?” James perked up.

“Sure.” I shrugged. “And James… You’re my friend. Whatever else we are just… practicing, so… I still think of you as my friend. A good one.”

“You don’t have to say that,” James replied.

“Fuck, I don’t have to do anything. Could have said no to all we’ve done. I wanted to be with you. I like spending time with you. Just… accept it. It’s the truth.” All I wanted was for James to believe that. I suddenly felt like it mattered not only to him but also to me.

James stared at me so intensely as if he could see inside. “You mean that, don’t you?”

The intensity made me uncomfortable and awkward. The way James claimed to feel all the time. “Yeah, I fucking mean it.”

“Thanks,” he said, clearing his throat.

I nudged him in the side. “Those students probably crush on you like crazy.”

“Oh, they do not.” James grimaced.

“Are you kidding? You’re totally the ‘hot for teacher’ type. Those big blue eyes? That sexy baby beard.”

“It’s a perfectly normal, trim beard.”

I was being silly, but I couldn’t help the wicked grin that spread across my face at his reaction.

“I bet they drool, the guys and girls both, while you lecture, all passionate and psyched about literature and oblivious to their crushes.”

He shook his head. “They’re more likely to sleep through my lectures.” But his mouth curved slightly, and the sad expression had left his face.

“I would be front row, Professor. Checking out that firm ass whenever you wrote on the board.”

James’ face flushed red. “Stop it.”

“I’d ask you out like day one.”

“And I’d say no. It’s not only a rule, but it wouldn’t be right.”

James… he always tried to do right. No matter the cost. James was the most honor-bound person I knew. I laced our fingers together, hoping he sensed how much I admired him.

“Then I’d rather be your colleague. No rules broken. I’d bug the hell out of you! I’d come into your office for supplies, keep asking you to have lunch with me.”

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