Page 8 of Nerdy Dirty Valentine

Caleb and I groaned simultaneously.

Normally, Captain Smack appeared good with my work. But part of me was always holding my breath, waiting for him to change his mind and find me lacking. After years of bad choices and no control over my life, I wanted to protect this little space I’d carved out that was good.

After Caleb and I scrubbed the kitchen and put away some gear, my shift ended, and I headed home. I spent a few nights a week at the firehouse, but not tonight. Tonight, I felt more alone on the drive home than usual, and part of me wanted to turn my truck around and head downtown to the clubs. Not to drink or anything, just to be around people. Being bone-weary and in need of a hot shower was the only thing keeping me on the road home.

My apartment was bare-bones, empty of any personality. I wanted to decorate it, but I hadn’t a clue where to begin. I sat down on the plain couch and stared at my empty walls.

If I’d been honest with them, my real New Year’s resolution would be to stop wanting what I couldn’t have. A mother who gave a shit. Freedom from being an alcoholic. Somebody to love me. Somebody for me to love.

CHAPTER

FOUR

He brought coffee and a dog.

That was my first thought at seeing James standing outside the firehouse. It was a few days since the diner incident, and I’d put the matter out of my mind. Or tried to.

“Somebody’s here for you,” Kamira told me, moments after I’d arrived for work.

“Who?”

“Some guy and his hound.” She shot me a saucy grin. “Asking for you.”

When I went outside, James was staring at the firetrucks parked out front and attempting to balance a dog yanking at his leash and a cup from Starbucks.

James must have come from work and stopped only to pick up the dog. He was dressed in a professor outfit, mostly tweed. Or what seemed like one to me. What did I know? I owned my uniform and various colored sweats. If it wasn’t for my job or to work out in, I didn’t own it.

I sure as hell didn’t own ties like James had on. It was silky-looking and electric blue. Since I was trying to forget our whole encounter, I didn’t want to be attracted, and it irritated me howgood I thought he looked. James might be a geek, but he had style.

His dog was even wearing a bow tie around its neck, for Christ’s sake.

“Hey.” He gave me a crooked smile. “Thanks for coming out to talk to me.”

“How did you find me?”

“You told me your engine number.”

“Oh, right. And who’s this handsome fella?” I held out my hand.

His basset hound gave me the stink-eye.

“Sorry. Ginsberg is older and a rescue, so he’s got attitude.” James cleared his throat. “And so do I, at times. Sorry, I feel like a total dick. I’m sure you think so. I should have been nicer when you offered to be friends. Put the past behind me. I spent time thinking about everything, and I was wrong. High school was a long time ago, and?—”

“No worries.” I cut off his rushing apology. “Doesn’t matter.”

“It matters because I usually have better manners,” James insisted, taking a deep breath. “And afterwards, I couldn’t sleep and kept seeing your eyes.”

“My eyes?”

“All sad and dark when I said no…”

“I’m fine.” I bristled. “And my eyes are brown but not sad.”

James studied me. “Sure… of course. Sorry, I spend my days with overly emotional college students and reading between the lines of stories, so I sometimes connect things that aren’t even there. And, um, anyhow. Here.” He thrust a coffee my way. “Hope you like a mocha latte in the late afternoon.”

He seemed so anxious for me to accept it, holding his whole body stiff like if I refused, he’d crumple at my feet or something. So I let go of the eye thing, which bothered me, and tried not to look into his sharp blue gaze as I took the coffee.

“Do you take sugar? I have some and creamers, but it’s already mocha flavored, so the chocolate might be enough.”

---