Page 52 of Steamy Dreamy Hearts

It had been a week since Caleb and I ended things—the longest, most brutal week. Erin arrived from the airport, cranky and sad about leaving Seattle early. I needed to put her first—that was all I knew how to do. But I went through the motions all week, fighting the urge to punch the walls. I thought about Caleb all the time. Was he okay? I should never have kissed him. I should never have started it or allowed my secret feelings for him to emerge. For a dizzying moment, being with him was like touching sunlight. And now, it was all darkness and it all fucking hurt.

The next day, it turned out Erin wasn’t just whiny—she did have the flu. So, that was great. I took a personal day and drove her to the pediatrician. Erin hated the medicine I bought and spit it out. When she cried, I felt like crying, too.

I cursed Dan for leaving me with all of this to deal with alone. And then I felt guilty for cursing Dan. I was exhausted by the nighttime, and Erin still had a fever, so I sat with her and watched cartoons because she couldn’t sleep.

I stumbled through the next day, somehow. All I wanted was to call Caleb. Hear his voice. Let the sound of him soak into my bones. But dealing with a sick little girl was a lot, even for me, so I was right not to put that onto Caleb’s shoulders. He wasn’t a parent and maybe never planned to be one. I’d made the only rational decision for both of us before the pain of a breakup was worse. I couldn’t drag Erin into that type of mess, and I couldn’t expect Caleb to bear the brunt of parenthood. He was still so young. He’d only gotten a taste of being free after Tanner when I’d swooped in and kissed him.

Oh, I missed kissing him.

“What do you mean?” I asked Phin. Phin had come to the house with a care package from him and James—chicken soup and a bunch of other things he’d yet to pull out of his shopping bag.

Only now, Phin held a loaf of bread that he was pointing at me like a gun.

“Don’t play games, Smack. What did you do to Caleb?”

“Why, what’s he said?”

“Nothing, not a word.” Phin poked the bread loaf toward my chest. “That’s exactly why I knowsomethinghappened. You broke up? Already? Didn’t you? Don’t even deny it.”

I went quiet. Since I’d taken some time off to nurse Erin through the flu, I hadn’t set foot in the station. I’d hoped the gossip mills hadn’t discovered anything yet. That Caleb and I could deal with it in private for at least a few weeks. I should have known better. Firefighters loved to gossip.

“Caleb just works, but his eyes…” Phin’s normally relaxed face grew taut.

“Is he all right?”

He glared. “He doesn’t have the flu like Erin, if that’s what you mean.”

“We took a break,” I confirmed.

“You dummy.” Phin turned away from me and began to prepare the soup and slice the baguette.

“I can do that. It’s enough you brought it. Let me heat up that soup.”

“I need to keep busy right now.”

“It’s my house.”

“Smack, if I don’t focus on heating up this soup, I might slug you. And since you’re my boss and my friend, it’s not a fantastic idea.”

I stood with my hands in my pockets.

“That’s it?” I finally asked, dumbfounded.

“Captain, if you want to be the world’s biggest asshole, I can’t stop you.”

I flinched. “Maybe take your chicken soup and go.”

“Nope. James made it. So, I’m not going home to my husband until Erin has some of it and gets better.” He spooned some into a bowl and added the bread. “I’m going to go see my favorite little girl on the planet and give her soup. You think about Caleb.”

Phin went upstairs, and I sat down heavily in a kitchen chair.

“As if I have stopped thinking about him,” I mumbled.

This whole situation wasn’t fair to Caleb. I’d trap him into obligations that he never asked for. Probably had yet to even consider. We’d hurt each other far worse if I held him back from being free or if he couldn’t handle being with me… I’d done the right thing.

I chewed the ends of my thumbnail, a little confused that I could be right…and still be a major asshole.

Phin returned to the kitchen, carrying the bowl.

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