Page 54 of Steamy Dreamy Hearts

After Phin went, I checked on Erin. She was curled on her right side, sleeping. I felt her forehead for any temperature. Thank goodness, she was nice and cool. Her fever might have broken. My sweet baby. I kissed her, then tucked the cover over her shoulders and turned off her light.

In a daze, I walked to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face. The flu? No, I didn’t feel feverish or congested. I felt…gut punched. Wrecked.

I toweled off my face and went to my bedroom. Dan’s picture stared at me, his eyes suddenly looking sad and gentle. Reproving. “I’ll always miss you,” I told his photo. “I wish like hell that I could talk with you. You’d calm me in a way no one else ever could. And no matter who else I love, I’ll never forget you or let Erin forget.” I picked up the photo and pressed a kiss to it before placing it in the nightstand drawer. I picked up the phone.

“Mom.”

“Sean? It’s late for you to call. Is everything okay?”

“No,” I said.

Words came spilling out of me. About Dan, Erin, Caleb. I told her everything.

At one point, Mom interrupted with a “Slow down. I can barely understand you.”

“I can’t slow down. I’ve wasted so much time already.”

“Then stop wasting it?” Mom said.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose. “What if it’s too late with Caleb?”

“Sweetie, forget about what you think you should do. What do you want?”

“I want him. But?—”

“No buts. You are a good man, Sean. And I saw how Caleb looked at you.”

“What did he say about me?”

“Nothing specific. But he adores you. A mother knows. And you feel the same way about him.”

“I—oh God, Mom, I really do. This has been a horrible time in my life. Ever since I broke it off, I’ve known it was the worst decision I’ve ever made.”

“Relationships are messy. But anything can be fixed. If you both want it badly enough, you can. Sean, you’ve been through a lot. So has Caleb. Think about the positive here and not the negatives. You can be a support for each other; you can lift each other up—you can give Erin another person who loves her. What I’m saying is instead of being so afraid of change, try to embrace it.” She laughed. “That life changes is really the only thing we don’t have a choice in.”

“Thanks, Mom. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Call me when Erin is awake.”

“I will.”

I hung up with my mother. I’d thought my grief for Dan was mostly behind me, except for the sadness I carried that he was gone, but I had been mistaken. I had been afraid after such a loss, and I had hidden behind Erin and the comfort of my routines. I was ashamed that maybe I even used Erin as my shield, my reason not to attempt to change. I inhaled and looked at my phone.

Being in love felt so wonderful, but losing love, that was pure agony. I hadn’t even realized how much time I’d spent fretting and in fear of it.

Squaring my shoulders, I pressed Phin’s contact number. “You were right. I’m an asshole,” I said before he could speak. “Help me fix this?”

CHAPTER

EIGHTEEN

CALEB

I managed to grow a plant on the small sunlit area of my balcony. Other than this win, everything else pretty much sucked. It had only been two weeks since Sean and I had ended things, and with the unbearable mid-July heat, I was going through hell. I blew out a breath, my hair in my sweaty face.

Luckily, Sean had taken personal time at work to be with Erin, so I didn’t see him there. He was due back this week, and although I had zero doubts Sean would continue to be a good captain, I wasn’t so sure my heart could take seeing him all the time. My plan—for now—was to continue to ask for shifts opposite to his.

I just wished my desire to see him had vanished. But each time I passed his empty office or heard his name mentioned, it was harder to breathe. I attempted not to show it, even as my toes curled in my boots and my stomach dipped. I carried on with the job. Rummaging through the rigs for a decent hose line or sharing jokes in the break room. I paid attention on calls, knowing how fragile each moment truly was. Fighting fires left no room for emotions.

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