“Wow.” I gave her a weak smile. “That’s some haul.”
“Yeah, and we’re going to a park with the best playground and—oh my God, Daddy!”
“What?”
“We forgot the drinks!”
“Oh.” Smack frowned before his face brightened. “I know, Erin. Why don’t you go to the cashier over there and grab some sodas from that cooler.” He dug out some cash from his wallet. “Get a bunch.”
“Soda? I’m allowed?” She handed Sean the basket and dashed off before he could respond.
“Bribery by sugar.” Sean shrugged.
When I remained quiet, he cleared his throat, gripping the basket so hard his knuckles turned white.
“She looks good. Happy.” I didn’t know what else to say. My brain had seized the moment I saw him in front of me.
We both glanced to where Erin was busy studying the soda choices.
“Yeah, she’s good. I’m the one who’s a miserable idiot.” Sean took a deep breath before turning back to me. “I’m so sorry, Caleb. I shouldn’t have pushed you away.”
“I appreciate the apology.” I gave a slow nod. “It means a lot.”
Sean nodded back, then seemed unsure.
“Go on, please,” I said, after what felt like hours. “That is, if you have more to say to me?”
“I do.” His eyes flared with something like hope, and he stepped closer to me. “Since Dan, I’ve never felt so much for somebody. And it overwhelmed me. I’ve also spent the last years focused solely on the job and on Erin. I told myself it was enough, only it wasn’t. But my knee-jerk reaction was to think first of Erin, not myself or how much I want this. How much I missed you.”
“Missed you, too,” I said quietly.
“God, I hoped—I don’t deserve your missing me.” Sean held out one hand. “Will you please come on a picnic with us? We can talk more?”
“What about my being around Erin?” I worried my lower lip.
“She’s stronger than I give her credit for, and she likes you just fine. It was all in my head. My worries magnified, and I was so dumb. I put it on her and how she might feel, but it was all me.”
“That’s understandable. That you worry for her, want what’s best for her. You’re a good dad, Sean.”
“God, you’re killing me being so damn sweet. Caleb.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I fucked up. I’m so sorry.”
“I forgive you,” I replied softly. “I was angry at first. But then I thought about how much grief you carried over Dan and guilt. And how you are protective with Erin. And I know you hurt yourself as much as me, doing what you imagined you had to, right?”
Sean’s eyes flew open. “I—I wantedeverythingwith you, but it all scared me. I lost so much before. I’m not a risk taker, not outside of the job. And I panicked. Not because I felt too little, but because I felt so much.” Sean drew a gulp of air. “I’m not always good with words. Or admitting I was scared—I don’t like feeling scared. And I wanted to make it up to you with some great gesture like serenading you under your window, but I don’t play guitar, and I sing like a bullfrog…”
“You’re not a music guy,” I teased.
He swallowed. “Yeah. But I would be for you.Youdeserve a love song, Caleb. You deserveallthe love songs. So, well, I made a Spotify list with some of those songs you liked and a few of my favorites, so… Will you please come for a picnic with us? I promise the lunch is decent, even if you’re angry at the company.” He turned his hand, palm up, open to me.
I looked at it. I still couldn’t believe he was here, that this was happening. I inhaled the scent of dirt and flowers, taking a moment for myself.
Was this like when I took Tanner back? Another toxic cycle of breakups and reunions that I’d regret? Or was this the beginning of something real and lasting?
“And you can let me in? All of me?” I narrowed my eyes on him. “Because I’m not settling for less.”
My heart clenched, stomach dropping as I waited for an answer. But I was proud of myself. And I meant every word. I did deserve the love songs. More importantly, I deserved a partner who loved all of me and let me love all of him.
“Yes,” Sean murmured, his eyes shiny with unshed tears. “I promise you.”