Page 2 of Brutal Sin

She turned, seeing him for the first time, his hand now draped over the low of her back. He was attractive enough. A soft hazel gaze, smooth skin, and neatly cut brown hair. What he didn’t have was the zing. The buzz. The commanding presence in hiseyes.

“Not tonight.” She pulled away, only to be stopped by his tighteninggrip.

“You’ll stay,” he ordered.

A shiver ran down her spine. It could’ve been a delicious thrill, the start of something promising, only his features didn’t match his tone. He was a scared kitten behind that hold. There was no conviction. No power.

“Take your hand off me,” she grated.

It wasn’t easy to play an unfamiliar role. It took balls. Large ones. And the man she needed required cojones the size of a rhino, not a mouse.

“I’m sorry.” His hand fell, his balk of regret reigniting her frustration. “I was only tryingto—”

“I know.” She pasted on a smile, determined to fight her bitchy attitude into submission. “And I appreciate the attempt.”

It wasn’t his fault she was already edgy from the impending sexual sobriety. She needed to remove her toxic attitude from this place of bodily worship and cut her losses. More hours here would only increase her resentment. She wasn’t a bitter old hag. Not entirely. But soon she might be if she didn’t stop feeling sorry for herself and moveon.

She squeezed his wrist in apology and strode through the main Vault room, giving half-hearted grins to the patrons who looked at her in pity. She didn’t fit in with this crowd. A world she’d once dominated was now foreign. She’d become a pauper in a place where orgasms were currency—at least where receiving was concerned.

When she reached the seclusion of the locker room, defeat set in. She’d come so far from the missionary-position woman she’d been before Lucas. Now she’d fallen from carnal grace. Sex was no longer exciting. Her seven-day-a-week habit had died from starvation, and all she could do was move on. Bury the craving, like she’d buried her husband.

“Goddamn you.” She opened her locker door and slammed it shut again. The loud bang reverberated through her, hitting her chest, her heart. The threat of tears returned. Angry, scornful tears making the roomblur.

She’d thought she’d done everything right. She hadn’t jumped into the Vault experience with gusto. Her steps had been slow. Over unending months, she became the ultimate voyeur, not touching another man until she was ready—mind, body, and soul. Then one after another, the club regulars had failed her, leaving unfulfillment to run rampant, all because her husband’s prowess was irreplaceable. “Damn you, Lucas.”

“Hey.”

She stiffened at the sound of Shay’s voice and hoped the woman would let her be. “Can you give me a minute?”

“That depends. Are you going to continue destroying Vault property if I leave you alone?” The sound of softly swishing fabric encroached. “What’s goingon?”

Pamela inhaled deep and turned to Shay, taking in the beauty of a woman who couldn’t possibly understand what was going on in her addledmind.

“You look gorgeous. As always.” It was a side-step. An optimistic diversion. Chatting about the seductive red dress clinging to the bartender’s breasts and flowing into a sexy skirt at her thighs was better than the alternative.

“Thank you. Leo seems to enjoy the easy access.” Shay gave herself a once-over before meeting Pamela’s gaze. “Now, spill. What’s got you slamming lockers and looking like the world’s coming to anend?”

Pamela kept her mouth shut, scared of what would come out if her lips parted. Words built in her throat, clogging the small space, the pressure increasing. Venting wasn’t an issue. She could share her hardships with her sister tomorrow. Even her mother, if she was truly desperate. But they didn’t fully understand her cravings. Her sexuality. Sharing with Shay, a woman who knew this way of life, would be different. And the thought of having her worst fears confirmed wasn’t something she could handle rightnow.

“Come on, Pamela.” Shay stepped forward, her gentle eyes coaxing. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

The need to purge grew. The truth cut off her air supply until she opened her mouth and words tumbled out. “Everything. I can’t do this anymore. I need to give up before it killsme.”

“Take a deep breath, honey, and tell me what happened.”

“Nothing happened.” Pamela swung back to her locker, pulled out her loose black skirt, and yanked it up her thighs. “The same nothing that happens every time I come here.” She shoved her tank top into the handbag sitting in the back of the locker, unfazed by walking out of here with her lingerie on display. God knew the people dancing upstairs would be wearing far less. “Please tell Leo I want to cancel my membership. You won’t see me here again.”

“Okay… I can tell him.” Shay leaned forward, inching her way into Pamela’s sight. “But before I do, can you elaborate? I’ve seen you with different men, so your comment about ‘nothing happening’ is throwingme.”

“I mean, nothing happens for me.” She waved a hand to encompass her body—the breasts that never tingled from a man’s touch, the pussy that didn’t throb in arousal. “In all the time I’ve been here, and all the men I’ve slept with, I haven’t orgasmed once. Not even a tiny bit. Not even close.” She reached for her shoes and dropped the one-inch black heels at her feet. “I’m only kidding myself if I keep comingback.”

“Didn’t Leo set you up with someone a while ago?” Shay frowned. “Yeah. It was my first night down here, and he was playing the role of instructor. Didn’t that workout?”

“That was the first time I’d been with anyone since my husband.” She yanked her handbag from the locker and pulled the strap over her shoulder. “I faked my way through it, thinking that was necessary to get into the swing of things. Turns out, I’ve had to fake it ever since.”

Shay slumped onto the bench seat in the middle of the room. “Maybe it’s too soon for you to moveon.”

“It’s been three years.” For others, the timeline of grief was infinite. Not for her, though. She’d been primed to move on for a long time. “I’m ready. The problem is finding the right person.”

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