Page 133 of Saving Her

I’m different.

“Then what do you feel?”

I can’t admit the truth. It’s heartless, learning about the loss of a loved one only to feel anger in response. It’s not natural. Not normal.

Luther’s influence is seeping into me. It seems the more time I spend away from the nightmare of my past, the more I’m dragged back to it.

I’m changing, and not into someone I like.

“You’re angry.” She releases a breath of a chuckle. “I guess we’re more alike than I thought, because that was my greatest struggle, too.”

There’s the slightest sense of appreciation in knowing my feelings aren’t unique. Just not enough to bring comfort.

“Rage tortured me the most,” she adds. “For weeks. Probably months. So I chased it down and figured out what it would take to silence the screams.”

I glance over my shoulder, meeting her gaze. “How do you silence anger?”

“Revenge,” she says simply. “I wanted retribution for what I’d lost. And what was taken from my family. That meant going after the man who destroyed us. I transformed my body into a weapon. I learned every type of combat and defense training you can think of. I did whatever it took to reach my goal.”

I believe her. The physical lengths she went to are still evident at first glance. Her arms show defined muscle beneath the feminine facade. There are scars on her skin. There’s hardness in her beautiful features.

“I killed those voices. And the man who murdered my family.”

A flicker of respect sparks inside me.

I’m happy for her, but it doesn’t mean I can do the same. Luther is already dead. Revenge isn’t possible.

“I’ll help wherever I can. Luca will, too. And there’s no hurry. Don’t even think about it today. But why don’t you talk to the other women you lived with? They might be able to tell you about Abi’s final days and help you understand what she was thinking.”

I shake my head. Nothing could make me understand.

“If not for insight, do it for support. You can’t keep battling on your own.” There’s another squeak of the bed. More footfalls. “Here.”

I turn to her standing a few feet away, her finger tapping her cell screen.

“Talk to them.” She passes over the device, a call toBenjiwritten on the screen, the connecting tone humming through the loud speaker.

My hand shakes as I reluctantly take the offering. I don’t want to speak to Nina and Lilly. Not yet. Not when my betrayal to them is raw. They’ll blame me. Theyshouldblame me. I spent months protecting them only to leave when they needed me the most. Yet I can’t bring myself to end the call, the anger inside me begging for salvation.

“Hey, Sare,”a man greets. “This isn’t a great time.”

The voice is shockingly familiar, stunning me speechless. The tone is similar to Luca’s. Deep and graveled.

“Sarah?” he asks.

“Benny, I’m here.” She raises her voice from behind me. “Penny has the phone. Can you put one of the other women on the line? She needs to speak to them.”

My heart pounds, the need to disconnect waging war with the necessity to be soothed.

“Yeah, okay,” he mutters. “Give me a minute.”

Silence rings in my ears, along with my heavy pulse, while I attempt to talk myself out of hanging up. This doesn’t feel right. I just… can’t.

Murmurs filter down the line. A scuffle of scraping sounds brush my awareness.

I push the phone toward Sarah. I can’t do this.

“Penny?” The syllables are entirely brittle. Yearning and needy.

---