Page 85 of Saving Her

“Fuck, Penny.” Luca becomes a comforting force at my back, ushering us to the door in shuffled steps. “You need to leave.”

I plant my feet, determined to stay. I have to witness the continued suffering instead of feeling it on my own.

“Don’t touch me.” I fling my arms, trying to loosen Sebastian’s unyielding grip. “Don’t ever fucking touch me.”

“Get her out of here,” Cole demands. “Now.”

I wiggle. I thrash. I fight, fight, fight, but like always, I don’t win.

“Let me take care of her.” Luca speaks over my shoulder. “I’ve got this.”

I drown in hysteria. Wanting and needing and suffocating.

Chloe is dead. Taylor, Anna, Emma, Ivy, Claire, Skylar, Naomi, and so many more, too.

They’re all gone and I’m still here.

They’re gone and I should be with them.

My legs give out beneath me as I continue to fight.

“I’ve got you,” Luca murmurs over the madness. “It’s going to be okay.”

He’s wrong.

So wrong, wrong,wrong.

I’m led from the sauna, stumbling and fumbling over my feet as a heavy hand encourages me to move faster from the low of my back.

“Keep moving.” Luca guides me into the hall, then to the closest closed door. He swings it wide to drag me into the shadows.

He doesn’t turn on the light. We’re left in the dim hallway glow with nothing but the sound of my pounding pulse, labored breathing, and those haunting, tormenting thoughts.

“Talk to me.” He begs. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

I wish I could answer, but I don’t know. I don’t know.I don’t know.

I need him to make it stop—the voices, the guilt, the tightening noose.

“What the hell were you thinking, shorty?” He gets in front of me, those eyes still wild.

That I didn’t want them knowing what I am. Who I am.

I don’t want anyone to regret saving me. To question whether or not they wasted time or resources. And then I was thinking that maybe Otis was right. Maybe I’m a whore who asked for what I was given. That I deserved the grief of losing my friends because my lessened torture made theirs increase.

“Talk to me.” He grabs my upper arms. “Let it out.”

He’s disappointed. Angered. And God, that feels horrible, too.

“I-I’m sorry.” The words stammer over my trembling lips. “I’m sorry.”

“Tell me what’s going on. What’s eating away at you?”

“I don’t want to see him.” I shake my head. I shake everywhere. “I don’t want…”

“Who?” He gets closer, looking me right in the eye. “Otis?”

“Otis… Sebastian… Tobias…” I shudder, the tearless sobs congealing in my throat. “Oh, God, Toby… How am I going to tell him about Chloe? He’s been through so much.”

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