Page 30 of Seeking Vengeance

Thoughts of him follow me the entire time. I even fantasize that he watches me from a distance. Stalks. I imagine his attention fixated on my body, and my skin shivers everywhere his make-believe gaze strays.

But he isn’t here. I make sure of it by glancing over my shoulder like a paranoid bitch every few minutes.

When my cell vibrates with a call after lunch, so does my pulse, because his name is the one displayed on my screen.

“You messaged me straight away,” I say in greeting. “Then call me the next day. I thought men weren’t meant to show interest for weeks.”

He laughs, and I close my eyes briefly to enjoy the sound. “If so, I’ve severely messed up because I ditched my meeting this morning and stayed in Denver, hoping you might change your mind about spending time with me.”

My stomach free falls, giddy greed consuming me.

“Where are you?” he asks.

Anticipation swirls beneath my sternum, my heart thundering like a drum.

“Layla?” His voice drops to a purr. “Don’t deny you spent all night thinking about me, because you already know I did the same damn thing.”

The reciprocation kills me. It eats away at my caution and makes me want to run to him. Just for a taste. Just one more kiss.

“I’m shopping. The mall is about a ten-minute drive from the hotel.” My pulse thrums with the admission.

“Mine or yours?”

“Ours. We stayed at the same place.”

There’s a beat of silence. I swear, I feel his disappointment roll through the connection. It hits me right in the throat, stilting my breath.

“Tell me where you are,” he says. “I’ll come find you.”

If I give him my location I’m done for. There will be no more restraint. No more talking myself out of this. I’ll give in to temptation despite the risks.

But this could be my last taste of happiness. The one quick gulp before I return to judgment and resentment.

“I’m at the Cherry Creek Shopping Center.” My blood surges. My pulse, too.

“Give me an hour.”

He disconnects, leaving me to second guess if this is the most stupid decision of my life. And I’ve made some pretty wretched ones in the past.

I have to force myself to continue shopping as a distraction, but all I do is walk aimlessly from store to store, not taking note of the clothes or shoes or sales because all I can think about is him. He’s all I see.

Within ten minutes, I’m outside, needing fresh air to dilute the suffocating apprehension. The traffic makes things worse. All the hustle and bustle increases the noise inside my head.

This can’t be a thing—me and him.

Catching up is only to feed my curiosity. To answer the myriad of unspoken questions.

I pass unseen people and shopfronts, trekking in circles, getting lost. It isn’t until I’m standing at the mouth of an alley that I stop, my shopping bags limp at my sides as the looming walls remind me of the night before. How Matthew had shown me a slice of Denver I never knew existed. How his kiss made my soul ache.

This alley isn’t the same, though. Garbage bags are piled against the building walls. There are no hanging lights or laughing friends to lull me further into daydreams. The contrast to last night’s environment only acts as an added warning that maybe things won’t be as sparkling and shiny with Matthew in the light of day. That maybe catching up with him again is a mistake.

I continue into the isolation, seeking clarity, and the farther I trek, the more conflicted I become.

Matthew is an indulgence I’m not allowed.

Not after I spied on Cole for my father. Not when I contributed to Benji’s downfall and Stella’s abduction. And especially not with all the things I did in an attempt to keep my transgressions secret.

Happiness isn’t a part of my all-inclusive life package. Mine revolves around heartache, guilt, and regret. There are some bonus pride-filled moments that revolve around my daughter, but I don’t get to upgrade until I make amends.

---