Page 53 of Seeking Vengeance

M.

I’m sucker punchedby the intense level of desperation and heartache that overwhelm me once I realize he’s gone.

His presence lingers in the bedroom. His delicious scent clings to the sheets. And even after I leave his suite, I can’t release myself from the hold he has on me.

I cancel the last remaining night on my reservation and return home to a place that doesn’t feel the same as it had when I left.

I’mnot the same.

The tingle in my chest inspired by Matthew’s existence stays with me. I can still smell him. Can still feel the brush of his lips against mine.

But when Stella and Tobias come home Friday night, I put the infatuation to the back of my mind and dedicate the time to my daughter.

I thrive in our moments alone, because thanks to my brother, I only get to see her one weekend a month.

We watch movies and talk about boys. We eat popcorn, give each other mani-pedis, and make up for the distance usually placed between us.

As much as I hate her living in Chicago, it has become clear she’s flourishing with the independence.

Maybe I am, too.

She didn’t even notice the swelling on my cheek, the bruising now hidden beneath numerous compacted layers of foundation.

We spend two wonderful days together, made all the better by the sordid text messages Matthew sends me on the regular. He’s become my dirty little secret. A treasure for me and me alone.

Each silenced vibration of my cell chips away at my resolve to keep things casual. I grow empowered by his determination, loving the way my confidence builds with his attention.

Our monthly family lunch on Sunday at Cole’s house feels different, too. Usually I have a sense of underlying heartache whenever I’m surrounded by the perfect pigeon pairs. Everyone has a partner to rely on. Cole has Anissa. Then there’s Hunt and Sarah, Keira and Decker, as well as Luca and Penny.

This time, there’s no pain or jealousy.

I can’t even wipe the subtle smile from my face as we all hug in greeting.

It feels like Matthew is here with me. Or maybe could be in the future.

I spend the meal daydreaming about what my perfect world would look like. How Matthew would take the seat by my side at upcoming dinners. How he’d understand who I was and where I came from without judgment or anger.

I deliberately skip past the introduction phase in my mind, knowing the first few months would be filled with paranoia and interrogation from Cole. But what came afterward would be bliss.

We’d cuddle on the sofa, unashamed of any public display of affection. We’d have each other’s backs. And for once, I’d be the one to make everyone jealous because my relationship was enviable, not fake and devoid of emotion.

It isn’t until Stella and Tobias leave the dinner table to escape into the backyard that my daydreaming stops.

Everyone else’s hype and excitement over having the kids home disappears as if it were a facade. Keira, Penny, Sarah, and Anissa fall quiet. Cole, Hunter, Decker, and Luca’s conversation becomes stilted, their responses turning sharp and gruff.

I missed the cause of the transition while in my imaginary state.

Something that must have been important.

I glance at each of them as I nibble on a bread stick, the hair on the back of my neck standing on end when more than one of them meet my gaze before quickly glancing away.

This is about me.

The tension seeping into the air is somehow my doing.

I discard the half-eaten bread stick onto my plate and pat the corner of my mouth with a cloth napkin. “I’ll pack the dishwasher.”

I push to my feet, preparing to cut and run. Nothing good can come from this vibe.

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