Page 187 of Salvatore

“Mi reina?” He reaches out, guiding my soaked hair behind my shoulders.

This time the contact isn’t welcomed. It makes my heart ache and my lungs heavy.

I retreat a step, not willing to value my freedom above the risk to his life.

“I need a minute.” I flee the shower, yank my towel off the rack, and rush to dry myself.

This is getting too complicated. He wasn’t supposed to be like this—devoted, dedicated. I wasn’t meant to fall in love.

I escape into his bedroom, wrapping the towel around me, my pulse pounding in my temples as I descend in a heap on the end of his bed.

I fought tooth and nail for freedom from my family, for the right to make my own choices. Yet here I am, wishing Salvatore would take the burden from me. Desperate for him to make the hard call.

It’s pathetic. Weak. Who am I if I can’t stand on my own?

“Your minute is up.” He pads from the bathroom, tightening a towel around his waist, his wet feet soaking the carpet. “Do you want to return to your life in Baltimore?”

“Of course I do. Everything I know is there. But the price is too high.”

“Your peace shouldn’t be a fucking luxury, Ivy.”

“No, but it also can’t come at a cost of what you might become after having to slaughter so many people.”

His expression softens, the harsh lines of his face seeming to form into something that resembles pity. “I can promise it won’t change me.”

“How do you know?”

He lowers to his knees before me, like I’m an altar he’s choosing to worship. “I’ve done far worse than murder men deserving of death. Do you remember those vacations my siblings thought our parents were taking me on?”

I nod, wordlessly begging him to continue.

“They were hunting expeditions and not of the animal variety.” Sterility stares up at me—the proof of a man who can compartmentalize better than I can. “They wanted to create the perfect soldier, and I did everything I was asked because non-compliance meant my siblings would suffer. So I’m already the monster you fear the situation with Gabriel will make me.”

I grapple for understanding, for a way to comprehend how his parents could do that to him while I guide gentle fingertips over the rough stubble of his jaw. “You’re not a monster.”

“I am.” He grabs my wrist, firm yet tender. “But it’s inaction that threatens to turn me into something worse. I need to do this,mi reina.”

“I don’t want you anywhere near them.” Even more so now than before. He deserves peace. Not more bloodshed.

“And I don’t want them anywhere near you, which is what they’ll constantly be striving to achieve as long as they keep breathing. Let me have this. Give me your blessing.”

A pained breath clogs my lungs. “I need to think this through.”

“No, you don’t.” He releases me and stands. “You want time to grow comfortable with making the wrong decision. And I get it. But what you have to understand is that the delay in action is fucking killing me. I’ve spent every day here, biting my tongue while Lorenzo rejects my calls. But the more time we give the cartel to take action, the more my head fills with fucking chaos. I need momentum, Ivy. I need structure. But above all, I need control. Something I can command and bend to my will. Otherwise I’ll end up making thatsomethingyou.”

Red flags are raised to full mast, the bright color billowing in the breeze. But I don’t see them.

All I know is yearning. Pining. The temptation to let him bear this cross for me. And if his life wasn’t on the line I’d probably give him what he’s asking for.

“Let me handle them.” He cups my cheeks, his gaze beseeching. “Let me deal with the people stopping you from living the life you want. The ones who are holding you back from making a decision about the child you crave.”

I square my shoulders, not willing to let him use the little nugget in my uterus against me. “I’ve already made my decision about the baby.”

He stills, stares, while my throat slowly closes over.

“I’m not getting an abortion, Salvatore.” I swallow down the fear that comes with the euphoric choice. “I’ll figure out a way to protect our child. But I can’t do that on my own. I won’t risk you dying at the hands of the cartel just so I can reclaim my life in Baltimore when it would be far safer for me to go into hiding.”

He doesn’t blink. Doesn’t move.

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