Page 104 of Rival Hearts
“I know, I know.” My mom was lecturing me, and although I knew she was right, I didn’t want her to keep on about it.
I knew it came from a good place. She wanted to make sure I was okay, that I didn’t get hurt, and that Charlotte didn’t get hurt, either. And it was right of her to talk to me. I really had to talk to Gabriel.
She deserves more than guys like me and you.
“Mom?” I said just as my mom turned to walk away.
She turned back to me. “What is it, darling?”
I took a deep breath, hesitating. Mom studied my face, but she didn’t press me to say anything I wasn’t ready to say. Since my brothers and I had arrived in their lives, my parents had never pushed us to do anything we weren’t ready for. That was why it was so easy to talk to them.
They’d always been there for us, never judging, never making us feel like we were less than worthy of the Blackwood name.
But I still had a past that haunted me.
“Do you think I deserve someone like Charlotte?”
The words sounded so simple when I said them, but they went so deep.
“What?” Mom cried out, her face shocked. “Alex, what kind of question is that?”
I shrugged. “I know who I am. I know I’m a Blackwood and I have a lot to show for it. But that doesn’t change where I came from, and I…” I swallowed hard. “I just want to be the kind of person someone like Charlotte should be with. She’s so good, and I’m—”
“Perfect,” Mom said.
I shook my head. “I’m far from perfect, Mom.”
“We’re all flawed, sweetheart. No one is perfect, but your flaws make you human, and they make you beautiful. And I don’t care where you come from—those people were only involved in your physical existence. The rest happened right here.” She waved at the house. “And right there.” She put one hand on her own heart and one hand on mine. “As long as you stay true to yourself, you’re more than good enough for anyone. Never think any different, honey.” Mom put her hand on my cheek, forcing me to look at her.
“Thanks, Mom.”
She smiled, nodding. “Let’s get out there and join them.”
I nodded, and we left the bar, walking back to the barbecue buffet.
I hadn’t warned Charlotte it would be this fancy. I’d worried she would be nervous about how all out my family could go, and then she wouldn’t feel like she fit in. I wasn’t sure if that had been the right call, but she looked so at home between my parents and my brothers now, it was wonderful to see.
My mom’s words had set me at ease a little, but I was still worried about Charlotte. She was such a great person, and I didn’t know if I deserved to be with someone as great as her.
Mom and Dad both always told me that where I’d come from was just the start of my journey, and how I handled myself and the choices I made moving forward were what made me as a man. Of course, in a lot of ways, they were right.
But that didn’t change the fact I had come from people who were lower than low, who were such pieces of shit, and that despite everything I’d done in my life and all the wonderful people who’d surrounded me growing up, I still had those pieces of shit in my DNA.
What if I got married and had kids of my own? What if that DNA, that part of my existence, was carried forward, and I endedup being a fucked-up father when Thomas had been so great to me?
That was what I feared the most.
That I could never live up to my father, that I could never become the kind of father that my children one day would deserve.
I joined Charlotte, and she turned and planted a quick kiss on my lips.
“Are you having a good time?” I asked.
“The best,” she beamed.
I let my worries fade away for now. When I was around Charlotte, it was easy to forget about the bad and focus just on the good.
And she was the best.
