Page 111 of Almost Love

In the first few sessions after his last stretch in rehab, Kristof warned him about the possibility that he’d find something new to fill the gaping hole drugs and alcohol left in him. Back then, he understood and heeded the warning. He’d call Mia, his sponsor, every time he had an itch for a new tattoo or his mind prickled with the need to not feel anything. It took him a long time to kick that habit, but Oakley had finally found a balance.

Until Clementine, some would say.

He never thought of her as an addiction. It was an all consuming love, sure, but not an addiction. If she left him, he might spiral but he wouldn’t let it destroy him. When he said as much to Kristof, his therapist didn’t believe him either. She was the best thing that happened in his life in a really long time, so yes, he might be attached to her in a way that was unhealthy. But it wasn’t debilitating.

Yet.

He missed her, especially since they’d just started exploring further into their relationship. Leaving the bed the past week had been torture, even though he did end every day in her arms. He’d never felt this way about someone before—which was another thing Kristof was concerned about—and there was this niggling worry that he was imagining all of it. Neither of them had said what they felt and while he could read it in the little things she did, Oakley craved the words. Even if he struggled to get them out himself.

However, his focus right then was on the group of kids sitting around the table in the break room. A Fine Needle was playing host to kids from a neighboring school all week. As part of their charity contributions, they invited kids from broken homes, those who needed guidance and help, somewhere safe to hang out after school every day. It was a combination of honing their art skills and teaching them about running a business. It reminded him so much of the work he’d done in San Clemente that Oakley dedicated all of his time to the kids that week.

The mornings were for their clients and regular schedules. The minute school let out, all the equipment was put away and the place was cleaned up for the kids. Each of them worked with a small group, ranging between ten- and thirteen-year-olds, and helped them with almost everything. After clearing it with Auburn and the organizer from the community center, Oakley had tasked his group with designing tattoos. They’d spent a long time admiring the wall of art before settling down to do their own stuff.

He was picking at crumbs in the Pretty Baked box—Clementine, the fucking goddess that she was, had sent a special box of donuts—as he thought about their text exchange, smiling to himself when someone cleared their throat.

“What are you smiling about, Mister Oakley?” one of the kids asked.

He chuckled and dusted off his hands. “Remember how we talked about my girl?”

“She made the donuts!”

“She did! She doesn’t have any tattoos, but I really want to gift her one. I can’t think of what would be perfect for her, because there’s so many options. How do you feel about helping me design something?”

They shuffled papers around excitedly when another kid asked, “What is she like, Mister Oakley?”

“Aw, man. She’s everything,” he said softly, feeling like such a sap for not being able to describe the woman he loved properly. “She’s a really good baker—those donuts are good, right? She’s passionate and funny, she’s also a little grumpy but that makes her extra special. She’s beautiful, obviously. She’s the kind of person you fall in love with knowing that you don’t deserve her.”

“Does she love you, Mister Oakley?”

He huffed out a laugh, staring at his hands instead of at the kids. “I think so.”

“It’s okay if she doesn’t love you. You love her enough for both of you,” one of them said with all the confidence of a kid.

“Does this mean you’re going to help me?”

“Yes!” they yelled together and he grinned as they got down to work.

He opened up his notebook and resumed his drawings—more desserts and a sketch of Clementine on the couch with Gracie curled up in her lap. He was terrified of these feelings, because even though it was in everything they did and all the things left unsaid, he was worried that she might not actually feel the same way. Unlike Kristof, Oakley’s fear wasn’t that he would turn to substances if she ended things. That fear of being left behind and being abandoned was what surfaced often. Losing his family and having to navigate the world alone had been difficult; all of the bad things followed their death. In thisaspect, he felt like maybe heartbreak and death would have the same effect.

Walking away from her wasn’t an option, but if she didn’t feel the same way, he would have no choice.Quit it, don’t get ahead of yourself.Nodding to himself, Oakley focused on the positive side of things, that all of this could turn out better than he expected.

“Mister Oakley, we’re done!”

Glad for the interruption, he closed his notebook. “All right, let’s see those masterpieces.”

They turned their papers around and he was beyond impressed. Everyone brought something fresh to the table. His heart ached for these kids, hoping that as they got older, the right people discovered and nurtured their talents. Because they deserved that. He had been so lucky to be raised by parents who had money and resources to help him learn art and appreciate it. If he could, he would be the one to teach and guide them.

“These are beautiful, kids,” he said, smiling even wider at them as they bounced in place. “I really love them.”

“Think your girlfriend will like them?” one kid asked, the corners of his paper crinkling in his hands.

“Absolutely. She’s going to love them too.”

And she would; Clementine would gush over every detail. They handed him their art as Auburn knocked on the door to the break room with a smile. “Their ride’s here.”

He nodded and turned back to the kids, unable to hide the emotions swirling through him. “This week has been the best since I got here. Thank you for spending all this time with me.”

Some of them sniffled and wiped at their faces before everyone charged at him for a hug. He laughed, doing his best to hug them back. They detangled, grabbed their things and said bye before rushing out the door.

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