Page 123 of Almost Love

CHAPTER 33

Oakley

Please don’t shut me out.

You didtn even give me a chance to esplain

To tell you evertime that I said to him

Everything*

Clementine

Please.

5 missed calls from Oakley West

Oakley

I don’t want to stop testing you

Texting*

Maybe that’s what ou want.

Fuck’s sake

I am so sorry

4 voicemails from Oakley West

Then one day her phone stopped buzzing. The typo filled texts made her smile for a brief moment, then she was bereft. After the crying jag in her truck following their conversation, she’d spent the rest of the day wallowing with Mack. She ignored her phone and stayed locked away in the MacArthur guest bedroom, replaying everything that had happened.

“That I loved you from the first time I saw you. That I have loved you through every kiss, every touch and every day I’ve known you.”

His words were on a loop for a while and then she thought about what she had overheard. Even in the moment, Clementine knew that she had missed huge chunks of that conversation. But she’d been holding onto these fears and worries for months, all it took was hearing two random words paired together—just sex. That’s what it was meant to be, but after their first night together, it had never just been sex. Wasn’t that why she changed their deal? The doubt lingered, because that was just how her brain functioned. Plus, her history made her wary of her feelings. How could she trust the way her heart tumbled or stomach fluttered when she saw someone if they could hurt her?

It didn’t matter if it was unintentional; she was affected by it. Crushes and infatuations were of her own making, but when the rejection came through, it still stung. She also couldn’t get his expression out of her head. The devastation that she felt in her chest was clear on his face.

Clementine barely functioned through work, but showed up every day to oversee preparation for the Food Fling. Then she would spend time at the new shop space, ignoring the visuals of her and Oakley in there, focusing on Mack’s mural and James’ updates. It was fucking difficult because all of her safe spacesincluded memories of Oakley—where they’d made cake, played with frosting in her office, eating tostadas and cake on her kitchen floor, her bed where he’d made her laugh until she was crying.

There wasn’t anything or enough time that would help her deal with this the right way. Which was why she was horizontal on Rhiannon’s couch, staring at the ceiling and unable to say what she was really there for.

The words that did come out were, “Shouldn’t all of us be lying down during these sessions?”

“I want my clients to be comfortable. If they choose to lie down, that’s fine.”

Grunting at the non-answer, Clementine linked her fingers on her stomach and closed her eyes.Maybe I can get some sleep here for a change. With a heavy sigh she said, “I’m sorry I don’t have baked goods for you today.”

“I don’t expect baked goods.”

“I know, but feeding people is my whole thing.”

“More importantly, have you been feeding yourself?”

She made another unhappy sound, twisting her lips to the side. She had put effort into her appearance that morning so she wouldn’t show up bedraggled—a dark green jumpsuit, light makeup and her hair was freshly washed. Given that she was in ‘distract myself by doing hard labor mode’, Clementine had been wandering around in baggy sweats, food-stained hoodies and hair in a messy bun.

Food, however, had taken a back seat. She’d been drinking shitty coffee, because even making a cup of filter coffee reminded her of Oakley, but eating was something she wasn’t doing much of. The day before when Mack had come by the new space to start working on his mural, he’d attempted to force food into her hands, but she’d made some dumb excuse about being too busy. For someone who spent all day baking and cooking,saying that she ‘wasn’t hungry’ might not sound so strange. ForClementineto not be hungry meant it was a sign of something bad.

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