Page 36 of Almost Love

He blew out a breath and repeated that to himself—it’s only about me and her—as Kristof watched him through the laptop screen.

“You can always change your mind, you know that, right?”

Oakley nodded and dragged a hand through Gracie’s fur. “For the first time in years, I met someone who lights me up. I haven’t been unhappy or sad or lost, but I haven’t been living. I’ve beentryingto live with all the traveling and the charity work and the tattoos. But that’s not what it was. When I met her, it felt like a switch had been flipped. All my wires sparked to life, tiny bursts of electricity are running through me. I never want this feeling to go away.”

Kristof offered him a smile and nodded. “But when that starts to fade or you’re ever uncomfortable, make sure you step away.”

“Yeah.” Even he knew that sounded half-hearted.

With a look of concern, Kristof said, “We have some time left, if you want to tell me why youhaven’t been living.”

Oakley made a face, because of course he would latch onto that. How did you explain to someone that you went through the motions every single day, but didn’t really register what you were doing? He knew that if he said that his therapist would schedule another session right away. Kristof was often worried that Oakley was faking being happy, but the truth was that he’d chosen to be happy a few years ago.

During a group session, he’d looked around the circle and realized that it was easy to wallow and live in the darkest parts of his life. He could relive the death of his family, the loss of his surfing career and everything that followed. Or he could pick himself up and move forward. The counselor kept reminding them to go slow, not rush into something new. He took that to heart and gradually found things in life that made him happy.He made new friends, he discovered tattoos, he helped the people of San Clemente and most of all, he found himself.

Being happy was a choice, and one that he made. He wasn’t using it as a disguise, because he still had low days. As a recovering addict, Oakley couldn’t be prescribed anxiety meds, which meant that he had to deal with the rough times in his own way. Over time he decided that it was easier to smile than not, a safe way to get his dose of dopamine. He knew that his optimism sometimes annoyed people, but it was just how he lived his life now.

“Maybe next time,” he teased, laughing at the sour expression on Kristof’s face. Before he could say anything else, the alarm went off on the other end. “Today was good, Kris. Thank you.”

“When she gets in touch and you follow through, if you need to talk it out, gimme a call.”

“I will. Enjoy your evening.”

His therapist raised a hand and Oakley nodded before closing his laptop and tossing it to the side. Gracie huffed at the disturbance and slid off his lap, going straight for her bed. He slumped back and closed his eyes. This thing with Clementine could be fun and different from what he was imagining it to be. It could beeverythinghe wanted, if only she would fucking call.

Four days and counting, and he was still staring a hole into his phone. Everybody at work knew he was on edge and they saw him staring at his phone enough to know that he was waiting for something. He usually kept his phone on vibrate while heworked, but he refused to, just in case Clementine did call or text. He didn’t want to miss it.

He was convincing himself that it wasn’t him, that she was busy. But it was hard to fully believe that too. He hadn’t even gone to the bakery in the last four days, because he didn’t want to make it seem like he was being pushy. Kristof had texted that morning for an update and all he had to say was:Any day now.

Not that he believed it.

Thankfully he had a big tattoo to work on. A firefighter who had walked out of yet another fire wanted something to cover up the scars and it was instantly added to Oakley’s list of favorite designs. While some might call it cliché, a phoenix rising out of flames was a great definition of Lucas. He was famous for many reasons: he was handsome, he’d saved tons of people and their homes, and he was also known for walking in and out of burning buildings quite casually. The newspaper had featured him the previous week, calling himThe Man on Fire,and Lucas was using that as inspiration.

At Lucas’ first session, Oakley had done the basic outline, which had taken him close to three hours. They’d spent the whole time talking and swapping stories about life and everything in between. That day, they were filling in as much as possible. Carin was helping out, so they could get more done.

“He thinks I’m going to regret this,” Lucas said, his voice slightly muffled because he was lying face down on the table.

“What doyouthink?” Carin asked, working on one wing of the phoenix while Oakley worked on the other side.

“I’m glad I’m doing it. It covers the scars, but also comforts me.”

“How many fires is this now?” Oakley asked.

Lucas chuckled. “That’s not important. You know what I want to know about…” he trailed off and Oakley winced, because he knew what was coming.

Carin scoffed. “Oakley doesn’t like talking about it.”

“Why not? What happened?”

Shooting Carin a glare, he took the opportunity to stretch and groaned before he returned to work on Lucas’ back.

“We kissed. That’s all that happened.”

“You kissed?! I didn’t know about this,” Carin gasped, pausing their work to frown at him.

“Same day Everleigh and Lachlan came in.”

“Oh shit, did you kiss her to sleep or something? Because I saw her passed out on the couch in the break room.”

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