Page 12 of Almost Always

“Hi, Daisy.”

“Hi,” she squeaked and turned away to hide her face.

He couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his mouth, but quickly caught himself as three men walked into the kitchen. Mr. Matthew smiled even though he looked more tired than he did the night before.

“Hey kid,” he said, sitting down at the dining table. “Did you meet Daisy?”

He nodded and looked back at the little girl who was now staring at her father. He remembered what he’d heard the night before, but didn’t understand a damn thing. Maybe one day his family wouldn’t treat him like a baby and share things with him. He moved carefully, like he was dealing with a scared animal, and sat down with the adults. At the same time, Nonna handed Daisy to Mr. Matthew and she didn’t fuss or even look unhappy. Her eyes darted between the people around her constantly, tiny mouth chewing on her food.

His breakfast appeared and Rafferty thanked his grandmother as a piece of Pop-Tart slid across the table. He looked up and found Daisy staring at him. This time, she was smiling.

In that moment, he told himself that it was now his job to protect her. No matter what.

CHAPTER 5

In the days since his visit to the firehouse, he’d been at Allenwood four times in one week. As a volunteer, there was more to his role than fighting fires. He had to report for training hours and be at the station on certain days, but also make time in his schedule when calls came in. Back in New York, he’d spent a good chunk of his time running from the Ames Landscaping office to emergency locations. It did get tiring sometimes, but he had a routine and it worked.

There had been days, before Callahan was born, when he considered going full-time. He knew convincing his father that firefighting was acallingwould get him laughed out of the house. Besides, he loved the work he did with landscaping and they’d spent tons of money getting him educated for it.

Then his son came into the world and everything changed.

Even now, every time he ran in and out of a burning building his first thought was of Cal. In the city, his father took over babysitting duties so he was preoccupied while Rafferty was gone. In Wildes, he didn’t have too many choices. The community center was aware of his obligations and kept Cal busy, but there were days when that wasn’t enough. He’d already taken so much advantage of Bronte’s generosity and felt guiltyabout it. When he first met the blonde at the pet shelter where they adopted Boots, he never imagined that she would become a friend. And Cal enjoyed spending time with all the animals at the shelter, so it worked.

Worrying about his son was instinct, even when he wasn’t on call. It didn’t matter how long he’d been doing this or how many fires he’d witnessed, every time he stood in front of a raging inferno, his stomach would bottom out. There was something quite incredible about watching the flames lick at everything they could reach, watching them grow with just the assistance of objects that didn’t know they would meet their end that day. He’d studied fires and was fascinated by them, and yet on some level they still terrified him.

Which is exactly what he felt the day before. The fire department barely had time to put it out before it engulfed the building, almost taking the lives of two firefighters. They spent hours at the scene until water dripped down the blackened walls and everyone was exhausted. Instead of going back to the firehouse to shower and change, Rafferty got dropped off at the shelter where he held his son so tight, he was squeaking to be released. He considered asking for some time off, to focus mostly on his training hours, but he knew that there was no way out of it. Even if he was very rattled.

So while his son was at school the next day, he had a call with his therapist. Over the last few weeks, he’d spent most of his sessions talking about Cal and less about himself. He would drop a nugget or two about adjusting to this new life, but for the most part he avoided diving deep into his own psyche. That day, however, Louise wasn’t going to let him get away with it.

“Now, let’s talk about what’s weighing on you.”

He sighed, rubbing his forehead as he paced the small backyard. “A little bit of everything. Working remotely is exhausting, especially when I’m spending so much of my timerunning towards fires. Then there’s making sure that Cal’s okay every morning before school.”

“I thought you said Callahan was doing better.”

“He is, but you know…it’s my job to worry about him, right?”

Louise laughed. “It’s not yourjob, but I get it. However, if your son is doing better, maybe you should trust him to tell you when he needs help. You’re no good to him stretched so thin.”

“I know. How do I turn off that part of my brain?”

“Make friends, meet new people…do something different from your usual routine.”

I should have expected that response. He grunted. “Not really in the headspace for that, am I?”

“Being alone is sometimes unhelpful for the way your mind is working right now. Every now and then, we need companionship. Whether it’s a friend or a lover or a partner, someone to talk to and distract yourself with.”

He knew that Louise was right. He’d been healthier and sturdier in New York when he was talking to his father regularly or even having drinks after with the other firefighters. He’d made friends with the group in Allenwood, but all of them lived there while he had to drive back home. Until he found a babysitter he could trust or a routine for Cal, he couldn’t go socializing in a town thirty minutes away.

“I’ve never been an overly friendly guy.”

A drawn out sigh echoed from the other end of the call before Louise said, “I’m not asking you to do this for you. You’re making friends and connections for Callahan. You’re a great father, but you’re also someone who runs into burning buildings. Your son needs people.”

He stopped walking at her words, alarmed at the simple truth.

In high school and college, he’d made tons of friends. Those weren’t people that he kept in touch with anymore. Once theirlives changed and their paths diverged, there was no need to talk to them again. He didn’t go to reunions or weddings even when invitations showed up.

The only friend he would have liked to see again was completely out of reach.

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