Page 122 of Almost Always

And you have issues with me sharing stories about my sex life.

Daisy

You go into minute detail and while I’m glad your husband has a big dick that can reach unchartered territories….I don’t need to know.

Roe

I bet your husband has a big dick too. And really knows how to use it.

Daisy

I guess you’ll never know.

Apparently that day on the kitchen floor of the Ames house hadn’t been emotional enough. Soon after she agreed to his not-really-a-proposal proposal, he wrapped a yellow twist tie around her ring finger.

Then called their fathers to give them the news.

Pia screeched and her father cried. Duncan, Rafferty’s father, had stared at them for a long moment with tears in his eyes before he congratulated them. After she’d gotten herself together, Daisy called Monroe and Wyatt and proceeded to cry all over again. Her best friend warned her future husband that if he broke her heart, she’d kill him.

She went back and forth for a long time about letting theWildes Women—a group Frankie created after the Fourth getaway with all the ladies she met that weekend—know about the engagement. Then finally sent them a picture of her finger with the twist tie and got all of the excited emojis in response.

Much to her surprise, everything else went pretty smoothly. Even though there was so much work on both their plates that getting anything done seemed impossible. However, they submitted all the necessary paperwork for their marriage license. And the minute they got home, Rafferty had her upagainst the front door calling her hiswifeas he fucked her until she was shaking so hard they almost collapsed on the floor. It didn’t matter that they weren’tlegallymarried yet. It was symbolism of what they’d done.

It had been two weeks since the unofficial proposal and the only thing she knew for certain was that she didn’t want a big wedding. She saw how much waste came out of huge celebrations—everything from decor to food and flowers—and wanted to keep it simple. She managed to convince Rafferty to do it at town hall and was surprised when he agreed. They’d had their respective expensive weddings; they didn’t need another one.

She was alsostruggling.

The fact that she was about to get married was starting to feel real and it scared her. She had no regrets about marrying Rafferty or starting a life with him. It was everything else.

“Why do you think he will feel differently when he hears you still struggle with your body?”

“Because I’m supposed to be over it by now,” she told her therapist over the phone.

“There’s no timeline to any mental health issue. You move forward every single day or you don’t. Have you moved forward?”

Nodding even though Anastasia couldn’t see her, Daisy stopped in the middle of her house and closed her eyes. The plan was to do the session in person, but she didn’t want to leave the house. She didn’t want anybody to see her. That morning she’d stared at herself in the bathroom mirror while brushing her teeth and hated everything she saw. Her body wasn’t good enough, she wasn’t perfect and she looked terrible. The ugly voices echoed that over and over again, reminding her that she was going to be a burden on Rafferty once they got married. Thathe would be ashamed to be seen with her. Even if a part of her knew those were lies, she couldn’t believe that either.

So she covered her mirrors, put on her baggiest clothes and asked her therapist for a phone session.

“Daisy?”

“Yes, I have moved forward. But I…I don’t like what I see.”

“That doesn’t mean something is wrong or he’s going to react poorly. It means we need to work through it. Together, okay?”

Early on, the sessions were about teaching her to write down positive thoughts every single day. She’d done it for about a year and then stopped. Not because she didn’t have positive thoughts, but because she never remembered them by the time she opened her journal. Then again, it had been a long time since she’d had trouble liking herself. The ugly voice still belonged to her mother, a person she hadn’t seen in more than thirty years. But the damage she’d done to Daisy as a child would never fade.

“So, what is your brain telling you today?”

Sighing at the question, she pushed open the doors to her garden and stepped outside. “That I wasn’t beautiful enough for Clarke and I won’t be enough for Rafferty.”

“Do you believe it?”

“Sometimes.” She’d started the day with a long-sleeved Henley under her overalls because she wanted to hide her arms. Now she was wearing a tank top instead and the warm sun kissing her bare skin felt really good.

“What do you not believe?”

The question caught her off guard and she blinked, squinting up at the sky. “I know that I’m enough and that he loves me regardless of the way I look or what I wear and eat. I know that when he looks at me, all he sees is the person he loves.”

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