Page 26 of Almost Always

I haven’t told the family yet and I’m a little nervous to do that. Wish you were here to help me figure out howto have this conversation. You know that Nonna is going to give me a lecture and Dad will be upset. Poppy might be the only one who’ll handle this without losing his head. Who knows.

Now I’m wondering how you’d react if I did tell you. Would you be proud or angry with me, Hero? Maybe you can tell me one day, once I get certified.

With everything that I am,

Rafferty

PS. I found a bunch of pressed flowers when I went home this week. Made me miss you even more.

CHAPTER 9

APRIL

Daisy

It’s been 24 hours, so you better reply or I’ll think the worst.

You know that giving me your number was going to result in this, right? At least I didn’t put it in the washer ‘accidentally’ and forget to call

Judging by your silence, you might actually prefer that

I’m worried, Raff. Where’s Callahan? Do I need to check in on him or stay with him till you get back?

Please let me know you’re okay.

She thought that seeing him again would cut back on the worry and anxiety. If anything, those few minutes she had with him before he was running out the door made it worse. She was terrified of all the possible outcomes and didn’t know how she’d handle it if something happened.

So at her therapy session a few days later, she paced a hole in the carpet.

“How is this helping you?” Anastasia, her therapist, asked while sitting calmly in her chair.

“I’m counting my steps and it’s distracting me.”

“Well, you’re making me nauseous.”

Sighing, she dropped onto one of the single seaters and crossed one leg over the other. Her fingers tapped out a random rhythm against the armrests as her head filled with worst case scenarios. She resisted the urge to google ‘firefighter deaths’ or something worse, but she needed to know he was okay. It was starting to wear on her.

“I thought you were taking your meds and the necessary steps to prevent an episode like this?”

Daisy shook her head, linking her fingers in her lap. “Is it weird to say that being worried about him is comforting? My heart is racing so fast, but that just reminds me that I’m alive and he might not be.” The words came out on a choked whisper and she leaned forward, pressing her face into her hands. “Fuck, what if he’s not?”

“He works with other firefighters and EMTs will be close by, they will do everything in their power to make sure he’s okay. Butyouneed to be okay when he comes home.”

Nodding, she sat up straight and closed her eyes. Anastasia walked her through one of her calming methods and when her heart finally started to slow down, Daisy slumped back in the chair. She knew it was silly to get worked up over something she couldn’t control, but that was exactly why she was worrying. When things were out of her reach, when she had no idea how to handle something, she felt discombobulated. That turned into heavy breathing and sometimes a panic attack.

“All right, let’s talk through this. There’s a very high chance that he’s fine and this fire he was called to isn’t that serious.”

“He’s been gone two days.”

“I’m going out on a limb here and assuming that’s also normal for firefighters.”

Daisy shrugged. “This is new forme.”

“I get it and I support your decision to panic, but what does that accomplish?”

The question made her breath catch, because trulywhat was the pointof a panic spiral? At that moment she realized there was no right answer. It was the brain’s way of protecting her, obviously.

“Something,” she mumbled.

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