Page 27 of Almost Always

Anastasia laughed and settled back into her chair. “Do you remember your last anxiety loop?”

“No. Should I?”

“Nope. I’m asking because I do and it was a lot similar to this one, but you couldn’t tell mewhyit was happening.”

She tilted her head back and squinted at the ceiling. Anastasia told her to keep records of her panic attacks, but she barely had the energy to feed herself after one, writing anything down would take more effort.

“I just got him back. The idea of losing him all over again terrifies me.”

“I get it. But it’s not helping either of you when you allow your brain to lead you in the opposite direction.”

Sighing heavily, she rubbed her face. “I know you’re right and I know what I need to do, but how do I turn it off?”

“Think of all the positives—he’s coming home, you’ll get to see him again and you can pick up where you left off.”

“My sexy audiobook playing out loud in an ice cream shop full of kids?”

Anastasia laughed. “If that’s what it takes, sure.”

She smiled, feeling a little lighter. She could focus on the good parts, on the fact that she would get to see him again. Themore she said it to herself, the more it might come true. By the end of the session, she believed that she had some kind of control over her anxiety. Anastasia even reminded her to take her meds as she was walked to the door.

The next day, she was in Middletown with Ginny, Clementine and their respective staff prepping for Frankie and Milo’s wedding. While they’d done most of the work at the shop, once the furniture was set up, they messed around with the flowers a little bit to adjust to the design Ginny had drawn up. They’d worked until quite late the night before, making sure everything was ready for the next morning. When she got back to the motel room she was sharing with Clementine, she fell down a google hole.

She typed ‘fire’, ‘Allenwood’ and ‘Rafferty’ into the search which brought up a long list of news articles. She hesitated, unsure if she should be getting more information the wrong way. She clicked the first link and discovered that the fire had happened at a campground. The reports claimed the reason it was taking so long to put out was because of the surrounding forest and waiting for a bigger crew to contain the possible wildfire. It was obviously the wrong thing to do, because after filling her brain with all the information she could, sleeping was a bit of a task. But at some point, she did drift off enough to get a few hours of shut-eye.

Buzzing woke her up from disturbed sleep and she found her phone on the floor. Blinking as the bright screen blinded her, she found texts from Rafferty.He’s alive!She rubbed her eyes and read them slowly, committing each word to memory.

Rafferty

I’m okay. I’m sorry I didn’t reply before, it’s been crazy here. But I’m okay. Cal’s with a friend. I spoke to him and he’s distracted enough that he’s not too worried. I don’t want you to worry about me this much, Hero. I said I’d come back to you and I will. I just don’t know when that will be, but I will.

And if you’re anything like the girl I knew in NYC, you’re scouring the internet for news. Please don’t read any of the articles, they’re making it sound scarier than it actually is. We worked in shifts to contain the fire and everyone has been cleared and sent to the hospital.

I know this is unpleasant and you’re probably thinking the worst, but I promise, everything is going to be okay. We can look back on this one day and laugh about these essay-sized texts I’m sending you. I promise I’m being careful. I already had a conversation with the Lady upstairs and she knows how important you are to me.

I can’t wait to see you.

After reading his texts for the millionth time, she replied.

Daisy

I’ll also send a special message to the Lady upstairs.

Only then was she able to fall into deep sleep, phone tucked against her chest as she dreamed of him coming home to her.When she woke up next, a hot cup of coffee was on the table beside her bed along with a breakfast sandwich. She could hear Clementine puttering around the room. Still tucked under the covers, she read through Rafferty’s texts once more and felt peace wash over her. She would have pushed through the day irrespective, but knowing he was okay and Callahan was safe was enough.

Clementine joined her as she ate her breakfast, then they took turns washing up so they could get ready for the day.

In all her years of owning the flower shop, she’d never attended a wedding she decorated as a guest. In fact, the last wedding she could remember being at was Monroe’syearsago. So when the official invite for Frankie and Milo’s wedding arrived, she’d instantly known what she was going to wear. Even though she’d had a complicated childhood and was raised by a single father, with no grandparents on that side, she had fallen in love with her South Indian heritage. Especially sarees. With guidance from Ginny and a few Indian influencers, she’d built her collection over the years. It wasn’t the easiest or quickest thing to get in and out of, but it was often worth the effort.

The yellow-gold chiffon spread out on the bed was one of her newer purchases and it had been a no-brainer when she saw the gorgeous flowers embroidered through the entire material. She tightened her underskirt and slipped into her heels. Reluctantly stepping in front of the mirror, she looked herself over, her eyes stopping at all the parts of her body she’d taken years to get used to. The sleeveless blouse with a high neck and a low back hugged her breasts, exposing the skin between the bottom of her blouse and the top of her underskirt.

I’m beautiful. I’m enough.

Repeating the mantra her childhood therapist taught her, she breathed in and out slowly. Her body had changed drastically over the years, but there were still parts she hadn’tlost—her biceps with their ‘bat wings’, her wide hips and her soft thighs with silver lines. She’d worked hard at loving herself and she did now, but there were days when she still looked at herself and wondered if she was enough.

Shaking off yet another spiral, she carefully draped the saree—tucking it into the underskirt, dragging it around her body, tossing one half over her shoulder as she pushed portions into her skirt. While staring at her reflection, she formed four pleats in the front and smoothed it down. Once her pallu was also taken care of, she finished off her look with jewelry and a touch-up of her makeup.

The wedding, as expected, was absolutely fantastic. Seeing all of Ginny’s work and her flowers in the daylight was quite the experience. She admired every little detail like she hadn’t spent the last week putting it together. She caught a few guests taking pictures and touching the flowers as well, and was really proud of what she’d been able to do in such a short time.

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