Page 49 of Stumped

I pull my T-shirt on. “A few hours of practice and I can play tomorrow without an issue.”

“You know, you never answered my question from last year.”

“What question?” I ask and the doctor rolls his stool over, gentle smile on his lips.

“What would happen if you could never play cricket again.”

My heart drops to my stomach, because I don’t remember us ever having this conversation. Granted, I was angry and in pain for the first few weeks after my surgery, so there’s a lotthat didn’t register. The question also reminds me of the way I’ve been feeling since I met Vera—not good enough. I have nothing to offer outside of cricket and I don’t think anybody else understands that.

I don’t have any other skills and while I could learn them quickly and work behind a desk, that’s not what I’m destined for. Even coaching doesn’t appeal to me. Playing is what I’ve always wanted to do. If I can’t do this, I probably want nothing to do with the sport. Vera tells me, very often, that I’m so much more than just an athlete. I’mnothingwithout the sport and admitting it out loud is frustrating.

As is being told I might never play again.

“Never given it any thought,” I admit, refusing to look at him.

“I’m not saying this is the end of the road for you, but it’s always good to consider a back-up career.”

I shake my head, a burning sensation pricking at the back of my eyes. Who am I without cricket? Blinking furiously, I say, “I’ve got a few more years in me. I’m not going to start thinking aboutthatfuture until I absolutely have to.”

That might happen sooner rather than later.

Dr. Theo is silent for a long time and I can feel his gaze, like he’s assessing me. I don’t like it. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin and I fidget on the table, hoping this conversation can be over soon. I remember what Vera said—Go out there and take what’s yours—and grip the edge, and her words, as I breathe through the panic building in my chest.

“For my sake, Elias, please thi—” Dr. Theo’s cut off when the door swings open and his assistant appears breathless. “What’s wrong?”

“Coach Kumaran is waiting. Apparently he sent an email about the meeting time being changed.”

I check my phone and don’t find anything, but know better than to get irritated about it. As we leave the room, I countbackwards to calm myself down. This meeting could be the end of my career or it could be the conversation that changes everything. I open up my chat with Vera and wait until my hands aren’t shaking so I can type.

Heading into a meeting with the management.

My fate now rests entirely in their hands and this is fucking terrifying.

Cross your fingers for me.

The elevator dings and I turn off my phone, pocket it and follow Dr. Theo to the conference room. Six people are waiting for me—Mr. Jaishankar, the head coach, Kumaran and three other senior management people I’ve met only once or twice. None of them smile; they stare and my heart is racing so hard, I’m afraid it’ll collapse any minute.

“I believe in you, superstar.”

Second Innings

when he knocks her for a six

Sixteen. Did my heart just flutter?

Vera

May

Should have known the Pondicherry trip was going to be a hot mess when I forgot to put on my bangles this morning. I don’t have lucky charms, but the stack of dull gold bracelets have accompanied my old school Casio watch since my late twenties. Taking them off every night and slipping them back on before work is a ritual I take very seriously.

Waking up alone, the scent of Elias wrapped around me, was an unexpected distraction. We discussed our schedules and his early departure shouldn’t have been a surprise, but it still occupied my mind as I got ready for the day.

His texts came through during my first meeting and I was too busy to check my phone until I was halfway to Pondy hours later. By then, another set of texts were waiting for me. And every time I try his phone, it’s ‘unreachable’. I’m worried about him, because the last few weeks introduced me to a different side of Elias. Now that I know the extent of his injury, there is the possibility he might not play this year. I’m hoping he might be able to join the T20 World Cup?1 at the very least. Every time I bring it up, he brushes it off. I’m not a superstitious person andI don’t believe in luck, but I respect his beliefs and processes. So I finally stopped saying anything.

Crossing my fingers and toes! If they say you’re not ready, SHOW them you are. Prove to them you’re exactly what they need right now.

I’ll call you tonight, okay?

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