Page 64 of The Complication
“I’m afraid you’re relying on him too heavily to avoid dealing with your own life.”
I sucked in a ragged breath at her harsh words. Heat from a mix of anger and embarrassment raced across my face and up to the tips of my ears. Was she fucking serious?
“Don’t get all huffy with me, Mister,” she said in her best mom tone, stopping me before I could argue. “You had all these big plans for your life, and they got massively derailed—first with Joy and then with the fire. In the blink of an eye, this very nice, very sexy man stepped in and made all your troubles go away. I understand staying for a little while to get your bearings, but you’ve always been incredibly independent. Are you hiding from all the bad things that have happened to you recently?”
Her words were a slap to the face no matter how delicately she attempted to deliver them. I shoved to my knees, my hands balled into fists at my sides. “When have I ever run from my problems? I’ve always faced everything head on.”
“You have, but during the worst of it, you also had Molly right at your side.”
My mom never pulled her fucking punches. I could feel all my righteous anger draining out of me at the mention of my dead best friend. It had been easy to be bold and brave when I’d had Molly at my side the whole way.
Mom’s expression softened and her eyes grew teary behind her glasses. “Park, honey, I’m not blaming you for needing time. Losing Molly would have been enough to set anyone back. She was like a sister. But to lose your home and yourwork, too. I get it. I do, honey. Declan has offered you a warm, safe environment in which to heal, and I am grateful to him for that. But have you even tried to leave this little cocoon he’s built for you? Are you even aware that you might be putting your life on hold and hiding out of fear of being hurt again?”
“How would my situation now be different if I’d taken your advice after Molly died and moved to Arizona? Wouldn’t I be living with you and Dad? Supported while I recovered from my life taking this weird turn?”
“But we’re your family. This is what we do for each other,” Dad interjected, but it didn’t help.
“We both know that if you moved home, you wouldn’t stay for more than six months. Probably just three. Then you’d have your own place for you and Joy. With Declan, you have no exit strategy. No plan to get on your own two feet.”
My mouth flew open to argue, but not a single sound trickled from my throat. What the hell could I say? She was right. Declan hired me to paint murals in his house, and I’d jumped on it because it gave me the chance to cling to my old dream while creating a sense of financial security, but where was the plan to get my own home? Where was the plan for how I was going to raise Joy on my own?
And now we were dating. Everything was becoming so tangled. Now even my emotions for Declan were changing, but was I staying with him because it was easy or because I loved him?
Even thinking about moving out of Declan’s house was like a knife stabbing me in the chest. I looked forward to having dinner with him every night. We would alternate who got to feed Joy while the other person ate. And our weekends were magical. Even when we were stuck at home because the weather was bad, just spending a quiet afternoon together was everything I could ever want. I had no desire to lose our time together.
But my mom had a point.
Was I hiding in Declan’s house because I didn’t want to face how hard life could be on my own? That wasn’t fair to Declan or myself.
I turned to face the fountain and dropped onto my ass. It took only a second to locate Declan and Joy as they made the turn toward us. He might not have been smiling, but I could see the upward tilt of his chin and the tiny spring to his steady gait. Declan was happy. So fucking happy. And it was because of Joy and me. Was I supposed to steal the happiness from him now because I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing with my life?
“So,” I started but immediately stopped to drag in a deep breath. “I get what you’re saying, and yes, I need to figure some things out. Dating Declan right now has made things…complicated. I care for him a lot. Might even be…fuck it. Iamin love with this man. I love who he is and how he cares for Joy. I don’t want to mess this up, but I need to figure out how to put my life together again.”
“If he loves you as much as you love him, he’ll be right there with you as you figure your life out. That won’t scare him away.”
That was easy for her to say. Declan was one of the best damn things to ever happen to me, and I didn’t want to lose him.
My eyes followed Declan as he walked Joy. He leaned down and tickled her belly and I swore I could see a bare foot kick out above the side of the stroller. Seeing both of them like this eased the pain in my chest, but it didn’t get rid of the doubts my mom had inserted into my brain.
Had I jumped into all of this because it was safe and easy? While I might love Declan, would I be disappointed in myself for not standing on my own two feet?
“I’ll think about what you said,” I mumbled, forcing a smile on my lips as Declan left the sidewalk around the fountain and gazing pool to cut through the grass toward us.
“We just want what’s best for you, sweetheart,” Mom said.
Yeah, but who the hell knew what that was?
I glanced over my shoulder and flashed my mom a weak smile. She hadn’t meant any harm, and I knew her intentions were good. The problem was that I didn’t know what to do next.
22
PARKER CAIN
A long,heavy sigh slipped between my parted lips as I scrubbed a hand through my messy hair. I needed to get a fucking haircut. Unfortunately, the only time I remembered I was long overdue for a haircut was at night when the shops were closed or I was nowhere near my phone.
Life had been too busy. Despite Declan’s wish that I paint his home office next, I’d found myself stuck with an unexpected artistic block. Every time I stood in that room, my mind went blank. As a result, I’d ended up painting two bathrooms and a guest bedroom in the past three weeks. Declan hadn’t whispered a word of complaint, but I was getting frustrated. Why couldn’t I tackle his office?
The longer I struggled with this room, the bigger the obstacle in my mind became. I couldn’t envision anything but those damn white walls. Declan Foster was more than a bland blank canvas.
