Page 7 of The Complication
Joy shifted in my arms, and all my attention zipped to the tiny girl sleeping with her head on my shoulder. Her little red bow lips smacked and moved. The tip of her tongue poked out and then retreated as she settled into a deep sleep. In the span of a few days, things that had felt awkward were becoming second nature. Holding her was easier. I could change a diaper in the blink of an eye now. I was even learning the tenor of her cries, though all of them still sent a shaft of fear through me as I worried that I’d messed something up without realizing it.
But each time, she just needed a fresh diaper, a bottle, or to be held. All things I could do with ease.
I’d barely gotten Joy settled in my arms when the line to the casket ended and the local nondenominational pastor the funeral home had arranged for us came up to speak. Molly wasn’t religious and hadn’t gone to any specific church, but her parents wanted some religious leader to step up to say a few comforting words. I’d spent an hour talking to him the previous day about Molly, spilling out hundreds of wonderful memories. Her parents had done the same after they’d arrived from Arizona.
But now that I was listening to him regurgitate all these things I’d said, anger boiled up inside me. I wanted all mywords and memories back. I didn’t want to share them with anyone because it felt like I was letting my best friend go. And I didn’t want to let her go. She needed to return to me so we could go on our stupid adventures and have more of our weekend chat sessions over good cheese and cheap beer. Only now they were going to include Joy. We were going to show Joy all the fun things we loved about this city and all the things we loved to eat and do.
How was I supposed to do these things now without Molly?
Tears slipped down my cheeks faster and faster. I tried to wipe them away, to keep them from raining on Joy, but it wasn’t easy to do while holding her. My mom reached across and swiped my cheeks with her tissue. My dad had shown up while I wasn’t paying attention and wrapped a supportive arm around my shoulders.
I looked up at them, and they appeared to be as heartbroken as I was. They’d known Molly for years, too. She’d been a regular fixture in our house throughout my childhood. We’d had her and her family to our house for cookouts and Christmas parties. She’d sat next to me, holding my hand tight enough to nearly snap my fingers, as I came out to my parents.
How was I supposed to let go?
Joy shifted in my arms, her tiny hand coming up to graze my chin, as if she were trying to say that it was going to be all right. That she was there for me. My little piece of Molly.
The funeral was way too long,and yet it was finished in a flash. My mom and Jack took Joy to my apartment while my father and I roasted in the scorching August sun as we stood in the cemetery and laid Molly to rest. I was grateful he was there to drive me to my apartment, because I couldn’t focuson anything. My mind wandered in a hundred different directions, from lists of things I needed to get settled prior to returning to work to when Joy’s diaper had last been changed to whether I had anything in the fridge for dinner.
Of course, my mom thought of everything. Upon arriving at my apartment, I discovered that she had not only fed, changed, and put Joy down for a nap, but she’d sent Jack for some fast food for dinner and had even put in a grocery order for me.
I hadn’t realized at the time that she’d been laying the groundwork for her most insidious plot.
“Sweetheart, I think you need to consider moving back to Phoenix,” she said the second I walked into the living room after changing out of my suit.
“What?” I gasped. My heart lurched in my chest, and I froze on my way to the sofa.
“Think about it. You’re not prepared to raise a baby.” Her tone was gentle and comforting, but it didn’t make her words any less painful.
“I’ll get there,” I snapped. “All of this was dropped on my head. Other than Molly creating those legal documents as a precaution, we never talked about me ever having custody of Joy. I need some time to get on my feet. Joy and I will fall into a rhythm in no time at all.”
“Park, your mom is just trying to think of both you and the baby,” my father called from the kitchen, where he was putting away the groceries that had arrived.
Jack jumped to his feet and rubbed his hands together. “You know, I think I’m going to head to the hotel and check in on my wife.”
I threw my older brother a dark look as the bastard beat a hasty retreat out my door before anyone could argue with him. Best to get out of firing range. If he didn’t, there was always the risk of my mother meddling in his life once she was finished with mine. Not that he needed help. He’d marriedHeather, who was a stricter version of my mother. She not only kept up with their two little ones, but she was adept at keeping my older brother in line as well.
After dropping onto an empty spot on the sofa, I motioned to the piles of baby supplies and whatnot I’d taken from Molly’s place. Right now, there was just too much stuff crammed into too small of a space, even though I had a rather spacious two-bedroom apartment. “Look, I know things are chaotic around here, but it’s temporary.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I’m not talking about this. I know how tidy you had your home prior to Joy’s arrival. I’m not talking about that. What I mean is later, things are going to come up and you’re going to need help. You don’t have a solid support system set up here if you need help. All your family is in Phoenix. Joy’s other grandparents are in Phoenix. What if you were to get sick? I can’t always hop on a plane?—”
“There’s no way I would ask you to or even expect it,” I cut her off. My teeth ached as I clenched them to hold in the anger that was rising to blot out my common sense. She wasn’t trying to hurt my feelings or imply that I depended on her to get by in life. This was her way of trying to do what was best for her kid. And it was damned hard for her to do that from eighteen hundred miles away.
“Park, you have to think about what’s best for Joy.”
“I am considering Joy.” After sucking in a deep breath through my nose, I straightened in my seat and glanced from my mom to my dad standing in the doorway between the kitchen and living room. “I appreciate your help. More than I can ever say. However, please keep in mind that I have a life here. I’m happy here. Molly was happy here and wanted to give Joy a life in this city. I feel like I owe it to them to at least try to do that.”
“But Parker…” she started again, but stopped when I held up one hand.
“I know it’s going to be hard, and yes, you’re going to getsome very random phone calls about weird things coming out of the baby or whether she’s too young to give peanut butter?—”
“Yes,” my mother and father answered in unison.
I rolled my eyes. That hadn’t been a genuine question. I knew at leastthatmuch.
“The point is, I want to at leasttryto make it work here for a while before I throw in the towel and admit defeat.”
Mom scooted down the couch and took one of my balled fists in her hands. “You are not admitting defeat by asking for help. Moving to Phoenix isn’t admitting defeat. Everyone needs help. I believe in the old saying that it takes a village to raise a child. My heart weeps for those people who have no choice but to bring up a child without help. It doesn’t make sense for you to choose that path if you don’t have to.”
