Page 108 of Caged

“Ew, no.” I scrunched up my nose. I only dipped my fries in cheese sauce or blue cheese dressing.

“If I do this, you need to eat what they bring you first.”

“Deal.” I held my hand out, and we shook. “Thanks, Dad.”

I practically drooled over the rich smell of ground beef and fried potatoes as I dipped the dry roll in my soup. I forced myself to go slow, so I didn’t get sick or fill up too fast.

Nothing would come between me and that cheeseburger.

Dad pretended not to look when I stole his fries and dipped them in the remaining broth. “Drink up,” he said.

Like a good soldier, I did as I was told. My reward was the best tasting bite of cheeseburger I’d ever had. I chewed slowly, savoring each layer of flavor.

“So good.” I mumbled around my small mouthful.

Then I licked the fat off my fingers.

“You want another bite?”

“I want the whole damn thing, but I don’t think I should.” My stomach might not handle the sudden onslaught of greasy meat. I reached for the burger. “Maybe one more.” After swallowing, I said, “I can’t wait until I can eat an actual meal filled with flavor.”

“What will you have?” he asked.

Without hesitation, I answered, “A steak and a loaded baked potato.”

So far, we’d kept topics light whenever we talked. The only heavy subject was when he told me John had notified Mr. Darling about Wendy’s death. He’d squeezed my hand when tears formed in my eyes. Knowing there was nothing we could’ve done to save Wendy didn’t help me feel any better.

I wasn’t overly religious, but I prayed for Darling to find peace.

After lunch, I decided it was time for a deeper conversation. If I wanted to reconnect, I had to open up. Be vulnerable.

“Dad, I’m sorry I disappointed you.” It was a blanket apology for all the times I’d done so.

“Why do you think you disappointed me?”

I turned and made eye contact before listing off the reasons. “I left the Marines, I left the FBI, I failed again at SSI and got captured-”

He held up his hand to stop me.

“Catelyn, I’m not disappointed in you. And just so we’re on the same page, I never expected you to be a lifelong Marine. That’s my thing, not yours. And yes, I was proud when you applied for the FBI, but that doesn’t mean I was disappointed when you left.” He paused. “And I sure as hell don’t consider you a failure for getting captured while trying to save a young woman’s life.”

My jaw fell open. I’d always assumed my choices had disappointed him. Had I misread him?

“But, you seemed so upset when I left the FBI.”

“I was shocked, not upset or disappointed.” He looked out the window before turning back to me, “I apologize if it came across that way.”

“Thank you.” It sounded lame, but I was too busy processing it all to say much else.I’ve had it wrong for so long. I was so convinced I was a disappointment, I never questioned it. I spent my whole life hyper-focused on trying to be who I thought he wanted me to be, denying him the chance to know the real me.

“It was obvious you loved your work, so I didn’t understand why you quit. The reason you gave never sat right.”

Because I lied. “I wasn’t completely honest with you.”

“Are you ready to tell me?”

It wasn’t easy, but I ignored my shame and told him about Gavin. His teeth clenched and hands fisted as I talked, but he didn’t interrupt.

“I’m sorry you went through that,” he paused and leaned forward to take my hand, “and I’m even more sorry you felt like you couldn’t come to me for support.”

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