Page 113 of Caged

“You’ve apologized, and Jaden’s accepted it. I say we move on,” Dad closed the subject. I had a feeling he’d talk to me later.

“You know we don’t think you’re a mistake, right?” Jamie asked, ignoring Dad’s suggestion.

After a second I answered, “I do now.”

“And we never thought your were stupid,” Jack added.

I nodded.

Deciding it’d be fun to shock them in a good way while steering the conversation to safer territory, I asked, “Did you know I speak near-fluent Arabic?”

They gave me exactly the surprised response I was expecting.

“Definitely not stupid,” Jamie said after recovering. “Why’d you keep it a secret?”

“I had a pretty big chip on my shoulder when I left for the Marines.”Damn, did I really want to go there?“I wanted to prove I my worth but was afraid of failing.” They opened their mouths to speak, but I held up my hand. “Don’t say anything, I was eighteen and still living under your shadows.”

Jack got up and grabbed four more beers and the bottle of wine for Ma and Emily. She and Meg sat on the sidelines, letting their expressions do the talking for them.

“I felt stupid. Failing the aptitude test the first time I applied for the Raiders didn’t help.” I’d never told anyone that. “But I was determined to make it, so I asked what I had to do in order to pass.” I chuckled. “I think that was one of the hardestthings I’ve ever done. Anyway, I got a mentor and a tutor, and passed with flying colors the second time.”

“You’ve never been stupid,” Ma said with pride.

“No, but I don’t learn like Jamie and Jack. And the constant comparison destroyed my self-esteem. It took me getting out of Weatherford, out of their shadows, to finally figure out how I learn best.” I sipped my beer. “I have to be moving, doing something. So, I listened to lessons as I ran and learned math by taking cooking classes.”

There was a chuckle around the room.

“I’ll have to take you up on it the next time you offer to cook,” Emily said. I’d offered a few times but she always said no. Her ex had expected her to do all the cooking and cleaning. Had literally beaten it into her. She was still adjusting to the healthy relationship she had with Jamie.

“When’d you learn Arabic, or maybe I should ask, how?” Jack asked.

“Immersion.” Technically, I started with a language app that used games to teach, and then an online class. But it was being in the Middle East and working with our liaison that helped me gain near-fluency. “If I’d been smart about it, rather than learning quietly on my own, I could have gotten certified, but I was afraid of failing.”

We talked for another hour, mending the relationship most of them hadn’t realized was broken. I’d held on to that fucking chip for far too long, isolating myself from my family and hurting us all in the process. I’d denied them the opportunity to support me, to celebrate with me, and to bethere when I needed them. I’d denied myself their love and support.

I found my family that night, and swore I’d never walk away from them again.

When it was time to say goodbye, Jamie hugged me tight and told me he loved me. “Welcome home, Little Brother.”

“Thanks, I love you, too.”

Jack did the same, and I couldn’t help but notice Emily and Meg squeezed a little tighter when they hugged me. Meg went so far as to get on her tip-toes to kiss my cheek.

“Jack, have you noticed our baby brother is the biggest?” Jamie asked.

“I have,” he said. “I guess it’s our turn to be in his shadow.” He grinned.

“Damn straight,” I said, puffing up to my full height. I tried to sound serious but the move reminded me of my broken ribs so I ended up grunting.

“That’s what you get for showing off,” Jack said.

“Be nice,” Meg said, slapping his chest.

“Yeah, be nice. I got my ass kicked waiting on you guys.” Six sets of eyes shot open in shock. “What?” I laughed. “Too soon?”

“It’ll always be too soon,” Ma said, but she joined in as we laughed.

Dinner left me drained and emotionally raw, but I’d made the right decision.

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