Page 80 of Caged

“But it was enough to ruin my reputation. Initially, I told myself I’d wait it out and look for a position in a different office, but I couldn’t handle the never ending snide remarks, leering, or suggestive printouts left on my desk.”

“You didn’t report him, any of them?”

“No, the FBI is a lot like the military. They’d punish the guilty, but I’d suffer for it.” I wanted to believe it wasn’t like that in every office, but I’d heard horror stories from other women. “That’s how I ended up at SSI.”

“Is that why you keep your distance from us?”

It wasn’t because I didn’t think they were good men, people.It’s because I’m afraid of getting hurt. When Jaden asked if I remembered any red flags from Gavin, I told him I did.

Sadly, the list was embarrassing long, but the ones that stood out the most were his complete lack of respect for mytime, poking fun at my need for order, and his inability to apologize.

If only I’d seen them sooner.

“Do you get any from anyone at SSI?”

I thought about it, logically. Clinically.

I didn’t. Then again, I wasn’t dating any of them. Gavin had damaged my ability to trust anyone, personally or professionally.

“No.” Not even with Jaden, he’d pissed me off on numerous occasions but it felt more like polar opposites butting heads than red flag behavior.

“I’m sorry I made fun of you for being so organized.”

“Thanks.” My tone fell flat, not because I wasn’t grateful for the apology but because I was preoccupied with wondering why similar behavior hadn’t felt like a red flag with Jaden.

“Catelyn,”That’s new, he’s never used my first name before. “I mean it. Your neat desk always made me feel messy and I took it personally.” He laughed. “Christ, I was a ass, wasn’t I?”

And that was why it never felt like a red flag. Deep down, I understood his motivations.

“A little, yeah. But I forgive you.”

Chapter 31

Jay

Switching to her first name sounded weird, but it felt right. I no longer needed, or wanted, to keep her at arm’s length. She didn’t correct me, so I assumed it was okay to keep using it.

The game of twenty questions continued when she asked, “Why do you think you’re, and I quote, the expendable Shepherd?”

I barely remembered saying it, but apparently she not only heard it, she’d latched onto it.

“I’m a mistake,” I whispered.

“Who told you that?” Her voice was well above a whisper.

“My brothers, and my parents admitted it.” I lowered my voice, reminding her to keep hers down.

“Did they use those words?” she asked.

“My brothers did.” Repeatedly. “My parents said I was unplanned.” I used air quotes to emphasize unplanned, not that it mattered, she could barely see me.

“Unplanned doesn’t mean unwanted.”

It was a simple statement. Similar to the one my parents made the one and only time I asked about it. They’d been emotional, defensive, and wanted to know were I got the idea.

I never told them, knowing my brothers would make my life a living hell. Not that my parents didn’t suspect, but they couldn’t act on assumptions.

Somehow, my parents’ emotional defense hadn’t rung as true as Maxwell’s blunt statement. Maybe it was because I was six the only time I asked.

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