“I can see why you have trust issues.”
“Yeah.” What else could I say?
I could practically hear her gears turning as she processed the information.
“But with your family?” Another sucker punch to the gut.
“To some degree. I’m the mistake, remember?” My laugh lacked humor. I didn’t believe it anymore, mostly, but it’d take some time getting used to.
Her weak slap reminded me just how much she’d suffered over the last few days.
Yet here she is, comforting me when I should be comforting her.
I felt like a failure all over again.
I should be protecting her. But Roman had devised a way to make sure I couldn’t. Forcing me to stand down, helpless and useless, by threatening to shoot Maxwell if I stepped out of line.
“You know they love you, and no one thinks you’re expendable.” Her statement brought me back to the conversation.
”Logically I know that, but it feels like nothing’s changed. They still think of me as their bratty little brother.”
Not that I was doing anything to dispel them of that opinion.
I’m not behaving like the man I know I am.
“I won’t tell you I know what it’s like because I don’t. As an only child there was no one around to tease me. But I do know what it’s like to feel like you don’t fit in or you’re not good enough.”
I still found it hard to believe she’d ever felt that way. She excelled at everything she did.
“I assumed you got along great with your dad.”
“We get along, but we’re not as close as I’d like. I love and respect him, and I’ve spent my whole life trying to earn his love and respect. He’s the reason I joined the Marines, earned my advanced degree, and became an officer.”
“You didn’t want to be a Marine?”
“I probably would have done four years and moved on if I hadn’t been worried about disappointing him. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret my choices, but I’m not sure I would’ve made the same ones if I hadn’t been trying to win his affection.” Her voice had taken on a somber tone.
That sucked. I might feel like the black sheep of my perfect family, but they supported me and my choices.
“I’m sure he’s proud of you, everything you’ve accomplished.” How could he not be? Maxwell’s resume was impressive.She’s impressive.
“I’m not so sure. He was disappointed I left the FBI to join the private sector.”
“Does he know why you left?”
“Hell, no. No way was I telling him I made a huge mistake by sleeping with the wrong co-worker and got myself chased out with my tail between my legs.”
By this time neither of us was whispering, which explained why the alarm and strobe hadn’t come back on.Roman was probably enjoying the show.
And taking notes so he could exploit our weaknesses.
“I don’t think that’s an accurate description,” I joked to lighten the mood. “What made you choose SSI?”
“I was impressed with the team when Jones and I came down to help find Chase.”
I’d never met Jones, so I asked her to explain.
“Jones was my supervisor, and the only person I’d talked to about Gavin. When he saw that SSI was hiring he sent me the link. He also wrote me a glowing recommendation.”