She bit her lip, looking at the pale blue pantsuit she’d put on. It was one of her favorite outfits, and one that had always helped her to feel more confident, but it was decidedly more onthe formal side. She didn’t want to wear the wrong thing, even if it was kind of a comfort outfit for her.
I could lose the pearls,she thought, biting her lip as she inspected her reflection.And I could switch from heels to flats.
Into her mind popped an image of herself wearing the pantsuit with a pair of black Converse, and the picture made her laugh out loud. She wondered if she would ever become that kind of person—someone so laid back she would feel free to defy people’s expectations without hesitation.
After staring at herself for another few minutes, she shook her head with a sigh. It just wasn’t right—she didn’t know the Owens all that well, but she hadn’t gotten the sense that they were the kind of family who got overly dressed up for dinner nights.
She had exchanged numbers with Alexis, and she knew that she could just text her cousin and ask her what sort of thing she should wear, but she felt shy about doing so. She didn’t want to come off as nervous or over-eager, and she felt sure that texting Alexis to ask that question would make it clear that she was extremely nervous and abundantly over-eager.
She took off the pantsuit regretfully and began to rummage in the closet, where she’d hung up all of the clothes that she’d brought with her to start her new life. Toward the far end of the closet, she came across a pale yellow sundress that she’d almost forgotten about. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d worn it, and she wondered if it still fit her.
I do love dresses,she thought, taking it out of the closet and spinning in a circle to watch the fabric of the skirt ripple. She smiled.I never liked to wear them while working on cases because I didn’t want to appear too soft.
She slipped the dress on over her head and tugged it into place. She couldn’t help grinning when she saw her reflection inthe mirror. The dress was flattering and had a cheerful quality about it that she liked to see on herself.
She turned slowly back and forth in front of the mirror, liking what she was seeing. It was too cold out to wear the sundress by itself, but she decided it would look wonderful with a black leather jacket that she owned. The dress was knee-length, and she had a pair of black knee-high boots that would match the black leather jacket perfectly.
She put on the jacket and the boots, along with a gold necklace and a pair of gold hoop earrings.
“I look a little bit like a bumblebee,” she said out loud, and laughed. Even if she did, she loved what she was seeing. Even more than the cute outfit—which seemed to be a happy medium between getting dressed up and wearing something casual—she loved seeing how happy she looked. It made her feel as though she really was making progress in becoming a new woman, and she held her head up high as she gazed at her reflection.
She glanced at the clock over the mantelpiece and realized that it was time for her to leave. Her nerves returned in a rush, but she forced herself to squash them down and put her best foot forward.
She’d bought another bottle of wine to bring to dinner, and she grabbed the bag that it was in along with her purse and headed toward the door. As she was leaving, she glanced back at her bed, onto which she’d tossed at least seven discarded outfits. She wrinkled her nose and then laughed again. She would put them away later that night. She had a feeling she would want something to do with her hands while she thought about how dinner went. She hoped with all her might that it went well, and that her thoughts about it would be pleasant.
She left the bed and breakfast and got into her car. She had practically memorized the route to Vivian’s house from the innearlier that day, but she still turned on her GPS and let it guide her through the cozy streets of Rosewood Beach.
Lights were on in the houses she passed, revealing warm and inviting homes. She saw people laughing through the windows, sitting on couches watching TV or eating dinner together. Her heart stirred, and she wished she had a place like that to come home to. She imagined that she would feel so safe if she had a family that she could go see when things were rough. Having four walls and a roof over her head were not the same as having an oasis for her heart and soul.
The closer she got to Vivian’s, the more nervous she became. She realized how much she wanted her long-lost family to become an actual family to her, and the thought of everything not working out made her heart ache sharply. She felt she wouldn’t be able to bear it if it turned out that they didn’t like her or didn’t want to spend time with her again.
She pulled up to Vivian’s house. It was a charming white house with blue shutters, bordered by orderly flower beds which were already beginning to show signs of growth. It had the look of a place that had been and was still well used, but also well cared for and well loved. She swallowed back a lump that was rising in her throat. It reminded her a little of her childhood home, which had been sold after her parents passed away.
She turned off the engine of her car and sat there, staring at the house. She almost didn’t want to get out of her car. She felt as if she was about to open a door to her future, and the idea made her heart skip a beat.
If they don’t like me all that much, I’ll go somewhere else,she thought.I could move anywhere. Maybe Paris.
She smiled to herself, but the knot in her stomach told her that it wasn’t that simple. She might be able to move anywhere else, but she didn’t have family anywhere else.
She wished she’d spent more time honing her social skills during the past decade, instead of working almost all the time. When she’d gone out with her lawyer friends, it had been easy. They talked about their cases and complained about terrible clients together. It was all they ever talked about. She found herself completely tongue-tied at the prospect of having to talk about anything else.
I feel completely unprepared for this,she thought, pressing her lips together.
Into her mind flashed the memory of Ryan teasing her about seeming like the kind of woman who always had a plan. She felt oddly comforted by the thought of him, and she smiled quietly to herself. He’d been right—she had always been the kind of person who had a plan. She’d planned out her career, her finances, and even her daily schedule down to ten-minute increments. Now, however, she was driftless. She’d been unsure of what to do ever since she’d arrived in Rosewood Beach. What had happened to her?
She took a deep breath, reminding herself that it was a good thing that she’d learned to take life more easily. It was part of her healing process to not feel as though she needed to meet a goal every second of every day. And the reality was that her decision about whether or not to stay in Rosewood Beach didn’t depend on her alone. She couldn’t know how to move forward until she had a better sense of how her family would feel about her staying there.
She found herself thinking about Ryan again. She hoped that things were going well for him, now that he was back at his job in Colorado. She hoped he was getting at least a little rest.
Her spirits lifted slightly at the thought of him, and she looked at the house. She could imagine Ryan sitting there beside her in the car, encouraging her to not over-think it and just go on inside. She found herself hoping that things worked out withthe Owens not only because she wanted a family, but because she hoped that she would get to stay in Rosewood Beach and see Ryan again.
Doing her best to steady her nerves, she got out of her car and started up the driveway toward the house. The lights were on inside, glowing into the night. It was like the houses she’d passed, filled with warmth and laughter and a sense of home. She could see her cousins sitting on the couches in the living room, talking animatedly over a card game that they were playing on the coffee table.
She felt a sudden surge of eagerness that blended with her anxiety as she stepped up to the front door and knocked.
“Come in!”
“It’s Faith!”