Page 14 of Into the Dawn

It had made sense at the time. Ben was strong, ambitious, and destined for great things. I was the alpha's disappointment of a daughter, more burden than blessing. When Jed started following me, whispering about how Dad would destroy anyone who tried to take me away.

I squeeze my eyes shut, but the memories come anyway.

Being close to our meeting spot, physically sick with fear and indecision. Watching the minutes tick by, knowing Ben was waiting, hoping, while I sat frozen in my car around the corner. The look on his face when he finally accepted I wasn't coming was devastating. It’s burned into my mind and visits me in my worst nightmares.

Restless, I get up and pace the small confines of my bedroom. Dawn isn't far off. I can see the sky beginning to lighten through my threadbare curtains. Soon, we'll have to face each other again, try to pull off this desperate plan to save John.

John. At least that gives me a chance to make things right, to help Ben, even if he'll never forgive me. My beast settles slightly at the thought. We may have lost our chance at happiness, but we can still do this one thing for him.

Movement in the living room catches my attention. Ben’s getting up, probably unable to sleep any better than me. His scent grows stronger as he approaches my door, and my heart rate spikes. But he pauses, then moves away toward the kitchen.

I let out a shaky breath. It's better this way. We need to focus on John, not get lost in what might have been. Even if every instinct I have is screaming at me to go to him.

Through the wall, I hear him grinding his teeth as he returns to the couch and lets out a heavy sigh when he lies back down. It’s a habit he's had since we were kids, one that always meant he was overthinking.

Knowing it’s a bad idea, screaming at myself to stay where I am and not be so stupid, I fling back my thin sheets, the night, far too warm for much more, and then open the door. Creeping to the living room, I take a second to admire his chiselled features before I edge closer, frowning at his giant body squished onto my small sofa, with one foot dangling over the end, and an arm hanging off the side.

"You're not sleeping on the couch," I say standing over Ben in the gloomy light.

He cracks open one eye, irritated that I'm disturbing his attempt to sleep. Like he was even close to it. Or maybe, I’m bothering him just by being anywhere near him. If his beast is as hyper aware of my presence as mine is of him, it’s unpleasant to be apart.

Especially if he hates me.

Despite Ben clearly expecting me to elaborate on why I stood up my fated mate when we'd planned for months to run away, I’d said nothing else and returned to folding my laundry, even though my insides twisted up, and every part of me wanted to beg and plead for him to take me away now.

Eventually, he took the hint and crept back out to the sofa, covering himself with my favourite fluffy blanket, his disappointment in me rolling off him in waves. It's a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that your own fated mate thinks you're just a weak person who didn't care enough about them to take a chance. But it was more than that. I couldn’t let my family drag him down too.

I was lying there for ages, feeling all kinds of things, but it was his words from earlier, that tonight could be his last night sleeping in a bed, that have me dragging my ass out here and standing over him.

When he starts to drift off again, I yank the pillow out from under his head and force him to look at me properly, irrationally irritated that he would take me up on my kind offer.

"You're not sleeping on my shitty couch," I repeat when he attempts to argue with me. "You said earlier that this could be your last night sleeping on a soft mattress. I'm not going to be the one to take that away from you."

If this all goes horribly wrong, and the two of us get rumbled, I'm not going to my grave knowing that I'm the one who took the pleasure of a duvet and a warm bed away from him.

"I already have enough things going against me, let's not add that one to the list."

Rubbing his eyes, he sits up on the bed, and the blanket falls down around his waist, revealing a set of rippling abs he definitely didn’t have as a lanky teen. The mate bond pulses between us, a constant reminder of what remains between us, however tenuous. "So, you're waking me up, ruining my sleep, so you don't feel as guilty when I die? Because I'll have had one night in your bed?"

My beast whimpers at his words, at the thought of losing him permanently. He can’t talk about dying. I won’t allow it to happen.

"Go. There are fresh sheets on the bed, so it doesn't smell too much like me. I'll sleep on the couch. I'm going to be back in my own bed by tonight. I can survive one night on the sofa."

My body betrays me by giving a little shiver. This house has thin walls with practically no insulation, so the chill in the evening creeps in through the flimsy windows and the drafty doors. I might be a beast, but I'm not a massively strong one, and even animals need some heat.

"Oh yeah, you look like you're going to be positively cosy out here."

“Just take it.” With a frustrated groan, I hand him back his pillow and point to the door, attempting to send him on his way one last time. But instead of grabbing the pillow, Ben snatches my wrist and tugs me forward, making me stumble into the spot between his thick thighs. The mate bond flares between us, and both our animals tempt us toward each other.

"Go back to bed, Vanessa. I'm a big boy, and I should probably get used to being uncomfortable. It's what I'll be dealing with for the next little while anyway."

The reality of what we're planning hits me again. "I'm going to get you out," I whisper, repeating my promise from earlier. Ben nods absentmindedly, but his expression is distant. All the things left unsaid hang heavy between us. There’s no point in rehashing the past, but I do need to say this.

“I’m sorry.”

Ben nods again, not paying attention to my words anymore. His fingers play with the hem of my shorts, one hand now resting on my hip, as he keeps me in place. When his thumb brushes my inner thigh, I gasp.

We were always attracted to each other, but then it got wild, uncontrollable. Almost scary. When we realised we were fated mates, we were young and inexperienced, so only just coming into sexual maturity and afraid to speak to anyone about what it meant.

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