Page 47 of Into the Dawn

"Thank you," I say quietly. But at that small gesture, I still feel Ben bristle, unhappy to see me touch another male, even if it is just an innocent gesture.

His fingers press me harder against him.

Evan's scowl dissolves, and he stares at me, letting the relief shine through in his eyes.

"Is this it now? Can we all just stop fucking disappearing and almost getting killed? Nessa, you're coming to Sutton with us, end of story. I don't know what went on between you guys before, but I'm not dealing with another three years of mopey head over here, so you two better patch things up."

As we step inside, Evan goes to turn away, but Ben stops. "Are you not coming in?"

Jack and Henry pull into the driveway behind us, their trucks' headlights cutting through the early morning gloom.

Evan shakes his head. "I'll be back, but first, I have a pregnant mate at home who I need to see in person before she'll believe that I'm not dead." He points at the two of us. "Work this shit out. You've no idea what you're missing."

With a wry smile, he gives Ben a salute and jogs away. He hops into his truck and drives out quickly, eager to get back to his mate. Happiness radiates from him now that he’s heading home to his other half.

He's right. Seeing the joy in his eyes and his excitement at getting back to his mate does look pretty darn good. I want that.

When I raise my eyes to Ben's, he stares back with an unreadable expression for a second before he storms further inside the clinic and accosts the first nurse he sees, demanding that I get checked over, even though he's the one who's here to be treated.

His protective instincts are in overdrive, but I can't bring myself to mind. After everything we've been through, I’m just happy he’s not on his way home with Evan.

25

BEN

While Vanessa relaxes on the couch, I go into Evan's large bathroom and turn on the taps for the tub. I’m exhausted as I squat down, watching the water pelt loudly into the bottom, splashing against the ceramic and echoing through the room.

Steam rises in lazy curls, carrying the faint scent of lavender from Holly's bath salts. My beast stirs restlessly at being separated from our mate, even by just a few rooms. He can’t bear to be away from her for a minute.

Resting my hands on the side, I hang my head between my arms and suck in a few deep, ragged breaths. The ceramic is cool against my palms which are burning hotter than normal, apparently, a side effect of the drugs Jed gave me.

I can scarcely believe we're home, but I still can't quite shake the nagging feeling that this isn't the end of it. My body still hums with adrenaline, and my beast has yet to give up that fight or flight instinct, just not ready to relax yet.

He's not going to unwind for a very long time. The memory of being forcibly separated from each other, trapped in that drugged haze while our mate was in danger, has left deep scars.

I stare at my hands impassively, flexing my fingers out in front of me. There are small cuts yet to heal. I focus on the blood, some mine, some not, that’s embedded in my torn fingernails and the dry, cracked skin of my knuckles.

The images of Chuck's lifeless form with his guts hanging out, and Rusty crumpling to the ground keep spinning in my mind. I've seen bodies before, but none that I've killed with my own two hands, or who’ve been out to get me.

The memory of tearing through flesh and bone and the satisfaction my beast took in the violence haunts me almost as much as the knowledge that I’d gladly do it again to keep Vanessa safe.

Lost in my thoughts, I hardly hear Evan until the door creaks open. He leans against the door frame, arms folded, watching me with concern while I continue to stare at the steady stream of water still filling the bath with bubbles.

"It's a hell of a thing, killing somebody," he says quietly, not wanting to wake his mate, Holly, at this late hour. For someone who’s lived his life on his own terms, putting her needs first is a stark contrast. Still, it suits him.

He's the only person I'll listen to on this subject, because he's speaking from experience.

"It's normal not to be okay, Ben." He waits for me to say something, but I can't. I'm a strange combination of numb and exhilarated. My beast is still too close to the surface for me to trust entering into a long conversation about what happened tonight.

"You did what you had to do in the moment. You did it to get John and Vanessa out of there, to save their lives. But now that it's all over, it's normal for you to not feel good about it. It's okay to not like the idea of taking someone's life, even if you'd do it again if you had to. You need some time to adjust to the idea that this is part of you."

When I stay silent, Evan continues on, his voice carrying the weight of having been through it himself. "Just because you're capable of such things when your family is in danger doesn't make you any different to the man you were before."

My family.

I stare up at my big brother, a man who's spent his whole life known as trouble and someone who was destined to end up behind bars. Hell, he was the prime suspect in the multiple disappearances that happened in town for a while. And yet, I know the truth.

His beast can be wild, and he's a grumpy fuck, but his moral compass is perfectly straight. Anyone Evan's ever hurt has deserved it. That's how he sleeps at night.

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