Page 49 of Into the Dawn

"I can't do this again."

Just the thought of rejection feels as real as any physical pain, leaving my beast whimpering at the loss.

To make things worse, I know he'll want to help me get settled in Sutton to start a new life. He won't judge me for me being born into the worst family around, because he's too good of a guy to walk away. His inherent decency is both a comfort and a torture.

But that doesn't mean he's forgiven me for the past.

I jolt awake in Evan and Holly's living room, my heart hammering against my ribs like it's trying to escape. The lingering scent of violence and smoke clings to my clothes, a reminder of everything that happened. Sweat plasters my tank top to my skin as I draw my knees to my chest, trying to ground myself in reality. It's late, and it's going to be a long night if I can't get some rest. I should be exhausted, but the future looms large in my thoughts. My beast paces restlessly beneath my skin.

What am I going to do now?

Ben appears in the doorway and pauses for a second with arms folded across his broad chest. His scent washes over me in a wave of comfort and concern as he steps inside and squeezes himself onto a couch that's comically small for his large frame, rather than sitting beside me on the other.

He refused to let me go back to my place, claiming I was in danger of one of my clan wanting to hurt me in retaliation for what I did to Rusty. Despite not believing any of them were in a position to actually leave the compound, let alone be concerned with tracking me down, I agreed and allowed myself to be whisked back here.

Stupidly, I’d hoped we’d have gotten closer, when in fact, Ben has distanced himself, withdrawing back into his head.

The truth is my beast needs him. She craves him with an intensity that frightens me after I deprived her of his company for so long. The pull between us is almost physical, like gravity. But my mind keeps reminding me that I don't deserve his care and devotion as much as I crave it.

My hand drifts to my neck, grazing the raw skin where my own father grabbed me by the throat. The bruises are already marking me where I’d hoped Ben would instead.

I wish I hadn't had to kill him, but I can't say I'm sorry he's dead.

Ben watches me closely with closed off body language. His beast is clearly agitated by the sight of my injuries, but he pushes to his feet and points down the hall. "I've run you a bath. Come down when you're ready."

Without waiting for a response, he strides from the room. His energy is like a walking ball of tension. I thought his beast would have calmed down by now after the fight, but I guess not. Or maybe, it's just me who's making him uncomfortable. I can’t figure out what he’s thinking.

"Hey," I whisper, as Holly walks in, one hand rubbing her pregnant belly. Evan’s mate is kind, opening her home up to a complete stranger without question, and not judging me for dragging her husband and her father into this mess.

"You should be in bed. Please don’t stay up on my account. I've disrupted your home enough already."

The sight of her bump takes my breath away as she settles beside me on the cushions with a grunt and a shake of her head.

My gut tightens with a longing that’s bone deep. I’ve never felt anything like it.

"The little gymnast is doing somersaults," she explains, stroking large circles on her belly. "Between the kicking and the heartburn, sleep isn't coming so easily these days."

I manage a weak smile and stare at the open door, afraid to walk down that hall. Our bond tugs at me, urging me to go to him and let him care for us, but if I get used to it, how will I ever live without it when he takes it away?

"I keep waiting," I admit softly. "For Ben to realize what a mistake this is. That being with someone who hurt him so badly before and whose family tried to kill him and John... it's too much to ask." The words taste like ash in my mouth.

Holly takes my hand, her grip surprisingly strong.

"Stop right there," Holly's voice is firm but gentle. "You are not your family, and Ben knows that better than anyone. Youhelped bring John back, and you put yourself in danger to do that. I'm forever grateful to you. We're all grateful."

She rubs her stomach again, John's grandchild carefully nestled within. The grandchild he's now going to meet thanks to Ben's stubborn determination to not just accept that John was already dead.

"He kidnapped me," I say with a self-deprecating laugh. "I didn't have much choice."

Holly refuses to let me laugh this off and deflect. Her scent carries determination. "I have a dad because of you. You had a choice, Vanessa. You could have refused."

Picking at the edges of my nails, I frown at the red dirt buried there that I just can't get out. I don't know what to say.

"Ben's acting weird right now because he physically can't bear to be far from you, but he's trying to give you space to heal. That man would walk through fire for you, Vanessa, but he's scared to put any pressure on you, afraid you’ll bolt. But I think you're stronger than he's giving you credit for, and you don't scare that easily."

He's worried about pressuring me?

"I don't deserve him."

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