Page 59 of Rival for Rent

“I made a sex tape,” he blurted out. “With this guy I was hooking up with junior year. We put it online. I don’t even know why. I think I was trying to rebel against my parents? Their rules? Their whole perfect image thing? I know that’s not a great excuse. It was stupid. Kevin wasn’t even my boyfriend, just a guy I was sleeping with. And now he’s ‘not gay’ anymore.” He did air quotes. “He found Jesus or whatever and went through ‘conversion therapy’—” more air quotes “—and now he’s got a wife and six kids. So I don’t even have the excuse that I made it with someone I loved. I did it, it was dumb, and I’ve regretted it ever since.”

I stared at him, still processing. Kai made a sex tape?

That was a hell of a twist. But I guessed people did dumb things in college. I’d joined the Marines at twenty-one. I wasn’t sure that was any smarter. At least Kai’s video hadn’t come with mandatory push-ups and a strong chance of heatstroke.

“See?” Kai said, pointing. “Now you’re judging me. That’s your judgement face.”

“I’m not judging you,” I said, and I meant it.

I wasn’t judging Kai. Not even close. Nothing he’d done could compare to the worst of what I’d been responsible for. I had no right to judge him.

What I felt, stupidly, was jealousy. That tape he made—years ago, with someone who wasn’t even in his life anymore—made something inside me burn. It was absurd. I’d barely known Kai back then, and even now, I didn’t have the right to feel possessive. And yet, I did.

The idea of someone else seeing him like that, touching him, having him—it made me want to stomp all over the whole damn internet and claim Kai as mine. As if I had the right.

I shook my head, trying to push it down.

“Then what’s that face for?” Kai asked.

I couldn’t tell him the truth. That I was judging myself for wanting things I could never have. For daring to think I ever had a shot.

“I’m trying to figure out next steps,” I said instead. “Honestly, I’m surprised this hasn’t come up before, if the video’s been out there ten years.”

“It hasn’t,” he said quickly. “I made Kevin take it down a month after we uploaded it. And we only ever put it on one site. We both deleted it from our phones. I’ve been running regular searches on my name for years—nothing’s ever shown up.”

“Are you sure it couldn’t be Kevin behind this?” I asked. “If he went through conversion therapy, maybe he thinks being gay is a sin. Maybe he wants to stop the Butterfly Center from opening.”

“Maybe,” Kai said, his mouth twisting. “But the center is for all queer kids. Not only for the gay male ones. And I doubt he’d want to expose himself in the process.”

“He might see it as punishment for his sins. Or maybe it’s some kind of twisted fantasy. Maybe he gets off on the idea.”

Kai’s eyes narrowed. “That’s a pretty big leap.”

“I’m spit-balling,” I said, lifting a hand. “But he might’ve kept a copy. Or someone else could’ve downloaded it. Once it’s online, it’s never really gone.”

Kai set his coffee down and rubbed his eyes. “Fuck. I feel so fucking stupid. If I hadn’t made that video, everything would be fine.”

“Maybe. Or maybe whoever’s behind this would have found another way to intimidate you.”

“I’m not intimidated,” Kai snapped, looking up at me. “I’m trying to protect the center. If that video gets out, it’ll be a scandal. No one will want to be associated with me.”

“It won’t come to that,” I said, trying to sound more confident than I felt. “We’ll tell the cops, and—”

“No,” he said, sitting up even straighter. “It’s too embarrassing. And they already hate me.”

“Cops hate everyone,” I said. “It’s kind of their whole thing.”

“No, they hate me specifically. You’ve seen Detective Myers. The way he says ‘Mr. Jacinto’ like it’s an insult.”

“That’s not personal. He treats me the same.”

“No,” Kai said again, more firmly. “I can’t tell them.”

I met his eyes. Dark. Steady. I felt like I was falling into them.

“Fine,” I said with a sigh. “We’ll try another way.”

“Really?” he asked. “What way?”

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