Page 72 of Rival for Rent

He hadn’t been gone long enough for them to have a real conversation, but what did I know? Maybe he’d dropped the intel in Kai’s lap and then left. He did love drama, after all.

I watched Kai warily as he walked towards the bed. He sat in the exact same spot as Amir. Not too close, but close enough that my pulse picked up. It didn’t help that he was biting his lip, looking at me like he wasn’t sure how I’d respond.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I wasn’t ready for this conversation. I hadn’t evenknownKai liked me until a few minutes ago, and now I had to let him down gently?

Why couldn’t I get a few days to adjust? A little time to enjoy things as they were?

Is that what you think you deserve?asked the voice in the back of my head.With Kai? With anyone? You think you get to have that kind of happiness?

I drew in a shaky breath. Kai had a way of getting under my skin even on a good day, and this… This definitely wasn’t one of those.

“Okay,” I said slowly. I meant to say more, but no words came out. So I just let it hang there.

“I was thinking, downstairs,” Kai said. “Maybe the reason you’re not taking your injuries very seriously is because stuff like this has happened to you before. When you were in the Marines. I bet you saw all sorts of life-threatening injuries when you were deployed. So to you, a cracked rib and a black eye is probably nothing.”

“I guess?” I said, even more off-balance than before. This wasn’t the conversation I expected—unless Kai was planning on circling back around to the point in the most roundabout way imaginable. “I mean, yeah, I definitely saw some bad shit a few times.”

“Is that why you don’t ever talk about it?” he asked.

“Talk about what? Injuries?”

“About everything. You served for, what, eight years? That’s a huge part of your life, but sometimes it feels like you wish it never happened. Like if you never talk about it, you can pretend it didn’t. Are you, like—scarred? Traumatized?”

“Traumatized?” I repeated. What the hell was he getting at?

“Or maybe that’s the wrong word, I don’t know.” He slid a little closer on the bed. “I’m doing a terrible job of this. I just—I want you to know, if something…bad…happened to you, I’m here to listen. If you need to talk about it. I won’t judge. If you just need to get it out.”

I stared at him, totally thrown. This was what he wanted to talk about? Notus?

I was relieved—but not exactly comfortable. Talking about my time overseas was about as appealing as dissecting our relationship. I needed to shut this down.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” I said. “I’m notscarredby my experiences. The Marines were fine. And I’m fine too.”

I expected him to snap back. Iwantedhim to. If I could piss him off, I could derail this whole thing and steer it towards safer ground.

But Kai didn’t get mad. Didn’t scoff. All he said, quietly but firmly, was, “No. I don’t think you are.”

He slid even closer, and looked at me like I was a wounded animal he wanted to nurse back to health. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to bite him or limp pitifully into his arms. My right arm was already across my chest in its sling, but I folded my left one too, locking myself down.

“Kai,” I said, trying to match his calm tone. “I appreciate your concern. I do. But I promise, you’re barking up the wrong tree here.”

He shook his head. “I don’t think I am. I trust you with my life, Mason. But I don’t trust you about this. I think you’re very goodat telling yourself things are fine. But I’m not sure you actually even know what you’re feeling half the time.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” I snapped.

Dammit. Now I was the one overheating. I needed to stay cool if I wanted to steer this conversation elsewhere. But it was hard to stay calm when my heart was pounding so hard I thought I might pass out.

“It means I think you’ve spent a good chunk of your life trying to dissociate from what you feel, who you are. And what you’ve done.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“No. I’m not. And while I’m tempted to say you are, that wouldn’t actually be true. Because I don’t think you’re being ridiculous. I think you’re scared.”

“Scared of what?” I said, twisting the words to sound as dismissive as I could make them.

“Of yourself, mostly.” Kai gave me a steady look. “For the last few weeks, I’ve been wondering how it was possible you could want to hook up with me after the way you treated me in high school. But I realize now, that’s probably why you treated me the way you did. You were attracted to me, and you didn’t know what to do about it, so you lashed out.”

“Kai—”

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