Page 88 of Rival for Rent

“Do you?” he asked, eyes flaring. “Do you really?”

“I might not have known I was bi when I was younger,” I said, “but I know you. I know how much you care, how hard you try to make the world a better place. You were willing to keep funding the center in private, even after they cut ties. I know how much this hurts you. I wish I could do something to make it better.”

“Well, you can’t,” he said. His voice was hard, but his shoulders began to shake. “No one can make this better. No one can fucking help.”

Fresh tears glistened on his face. Against my better judgement—against every reason I’d tried to cling to—I stepped forward and pulled him in.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t sob or break down. He just stood there, letting me hold him. That hurt worse somehow. I knew how deep his pain ran if he was willing to accept comfort from me, of all people.

A minute later, he pulled away, shaking his head.

“Forget it,” he mumbled. “I’m sorry to bother you.”

“You’re not bothering me,” I said, heart clenching. “You never have to apologize for that. I want to help you—if you’ll let me.”

“Except you don’t,” he said. “Because what I need is the man I fell for. The man I knew I could rely on. And you’re the only one keeping him away.”

That cracked something in me. I reached up, cupping his cheek. He had stubble tonight, the faint rasp of it under my palm somehow grounding.

“I’m not trying to hurt you.”

“But you are.” His gaze locked on mine, steady and devastating. “What does your intention matter, when it feels the same?”

“It matters because what if you keep relying on me, and one day I let you down even more?”

“It doesn’t get worse than this.”

“You don’t know that.”

“And you don’t know that you’d let me down!” he said, pulling away. “Why are you so sure that’ll happen? Maybe I’ll let you down. Maybe we’ll let each other down. Or maybe neither of us will. Maybe everything will be fine. But we’ll never know—because of you.”

“Kai, I’ve done bad things.”

“So? So have I. So has everyone.” He crossed his arms. “But you didn’t kill those kids. You did everything you could to stop more people from dying. You made sure Pete answered for what he did. Why do you think that means you still have to suffer?”

“Because I have to pay for what I did.”

“Why? What good will that do? Will it bring those kids back? Will it stop anyone else from getting hurt? You’re a good person, Mason. You don’t need to deny yourself happiness to prove you’re not a monster.”

“I hurt you in high school.”

“And I forgave you for it,” Kai said. “That’s my decision to make. I can’t make you accept it. But you can’t make me take it back.”

“Kai, I—” I stopped and stared at him. Defiant. Passionate. Believing in me in a way I could barely believe in myself. If I hadn’t already known I was in love with him, I would’ve known now.

I didn’t know what to say. So I told the truth. “I hate this.”

The words scraped out of me like glass. The distance, the silence, the pain I kept causing him—it was unbearable.

“Then stop it.” Kai stepped up to me, our toes touching, our faces inches apart. “It’s entirely in your power.”

Could I do that? Just…stop? Give in to what I wanted, instead of fighting it?

I didn’t trust myself. But I trusted him. And I didn’t want to hurt him anymore.

“I need—I need you,” I whispered.

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