Page 101 of The Sound of Silence

“After I told the FBI Ethan’s real name, it opened up a whole new can of worms. Agent Gregory was able to track down who his mother was. Apparently, she had a history of mental illness and was in and out of psychiatric institutions throughout her twenties. There’s a police record in Salt Lake City of her claiming she was raped, but there was no follow-up. Her history picks back up nine months later when Ethan—or rather, Anthony—was born. His birth records proved he wasn’t lying about his real name. It brought the legality of our marriage into question and complicated who was next of kin. His supposed ‘big family’ was really just people he knew from the police department. I never knew they weren’t really his cousins. There was no blood relation at all. God, I was so stupid…” I trailed off, thinking about how easily I believed everything he told me.

“Not stupid,” Derek stated vehemently. “The guy was a sociopath. You can’t blame yourself for his manipulations.”

“Maybe.” I shrugged. “Maybe not. At the very least, I should have questioned things. If I hadn’t ignored the red flags, maybe things would have happened differently. I suppose it doesn’t matter now. I can’t change the past, which is basically what the lawyer said.”

“Lawyer?”

“Yes. I had to meet with a lawyer about the estate. Ultimately, I left it up to him to work out the legalities, but I did get the opportunity to go through my old house. The FBI was with me to supervise and approve anything I wanted to take out. They said something about preserving evidence after they found the bodies of five other women Ethan had photographs of. So far, they’ve tallied nine women.” I forced myself to swallow the emotional guilt welling in my throat. I wondered if I’d ever get over the guilt of living when so many others had died.

If only I had gone to the authorities sooner, maybe…

There were so many what-ifs, I would go crazy if I didn’t stop thinking about them.

Derek’s grip on my hand tightened, almost as if he knew what I was thinking.

“Like I said, the son of a bitch deserved to die. None of this is your fault.”

I returned his squeeze, taking comfort from his words.

“Apparently, he had mementos from the places he’d disposed of their bodies. He had the items hidden in the safe in the house—the house I lived in for years,” I spat out in disgust, unable to believe there had been evidence of such gruesome murders right under my nose for years.

Our conversation died once we arrived at La Biga. The coffee shop, as usual, was bustling, and there was no way to talk without raising our voices several octaves. While we waited for our to-go beverages, I watched Derek out of the corner of my eye. After the emotional week, I wanted to take a moment to appreciate him—to appreciate the man I was choosing to be with. He was gorgeous and always made me a little weak in the knees. His stance was confident yet easy, with one hand inside the pocket of his gym shorts. Wide shoulders bulged beneath the red t-shirt that seemed molded to his skin, accentuating the hard-muscled pectorals no shirt could ever hope to conceal. I didn’t think I’d ever tire of looking at him.

After we collected our drink orders, we exited the coffee shop. Derek kept throwing cautious glances my way as if I were a mirage that would disappear at any moment. I needed to keep talking and assure him I wasn’t going to run anymore—I was here to stay.

“The FBI showed me the pictures you told me about,” I said as we walked aimlessly with no destination in mind. “The ones of his apartment in Avondale. You have to believe me, I had no idea.”

“I never thought you did,” he replied automatically.

His unwavering loyalty and faith in me brought a small smile to my face.

“When I was at the house, I was surprised to see Ethan had kept all of my stuff. At first, I didn’t know what to do with it. I hadn’t made up my mind whether I was going to stay in Cincinnati or come back to New York.”

Derek stopped walking and turned to take my chin between his thumb and forefinger, angling my head up to meet his gaze.

“Sparky, if you’ve never listened to a thing I’ve said before, I need you to hear me now. I’ve already thought about this long and hard. Whether you choose New York or Cincinnati, I will follow you. Ethan controlled your life for too long. It’s time for you to do you without all the strings attached. Wherever you decide to go or whatever you decide to do, I’ll be more than happy to let you lead me to the ends of the earth. You’ve earned… ” He stopped contemplatively. “No, that’s the wrong word. Deserve is more accurate. You deserve someone to follow you. You know that, right?”

I smiled and thought about a conversation I’d had with Natalia while I was in Cincinnati. She thought I’d wasted enough time on a ‘slow burn’ relationship with Derek—her words, not mine. She reminded me that love could be healthy and told me to explore what Derek and I had. She was right, although she didn’t have to work too hard to convince me. I already knew where my heart was.

I smiled and rested my head against his strong chest.

“I do know that. Just like I know, I deserve to be happy. That’s why I came back. It didn’t take me long to realize my happiness was in New York because that’s where you were. I planned to rent a moving truck and bring some things back here—like the couch, so I could replace the old one I’m currently using. But…” I hesitated, not sure how to articulate my feelings.

“But what?” Derek prodded, leaning back to look at me.

“I didn’t want anything—not the couch, not any of my old clothes or jewelry. The only thing I took was a small cedarwood box that had mementos of my mom. Taking anything else would have reminded me of that part of my life. I want to forget all of it, Derek. I want to start over, old couch and all. I have a new life here in Queens, and I want to focus on that. I never want to be dependent on a man again, but with you…” I needed him to understand in a way I’d never needed him to understand me before.

There were many pieces of my past I never wanted to give voice to—secrets I would take to my grave because I couldn’t bear looking at the completed puzzle—but how I felt about Derek wasn’t going to be a part of that jigsaw. Today, I would begin creating a new picture.

“What is it, Sparky?” he prompted.

“Being away made me realize how much I need you in my life… no… how much Iwantyou in my life. I love you, Derek, and I was hoping maybe—just maybe—you might be on the same page. What do you say, boy scout? Me, you, Maisie? Want to start over and give this a real chance? No more secrets. No more Val. Just me, Gianna Valentini.”

He tilted my chin up and forced me to look into those gorgeous hazel eyes. The tiny flecks of green sparkled as his gaze intensified. I blushed from the powerful wave of deep emotion and looked down.

He chuckled.

“I love the way you lower those long lashes when you’re embarrassed.”

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