Page 69 of The Sound of Silence

“Are you sure you want this?” he eventually asked. I smiled at how thoughtful he was.

“Yes, I’m sure.”

Cupping my cheek, his lips moved to meld with mine. I kissed him desperately, our tongues sliding deep, clashing, and tasting. He suckled down the line of my neck and reached behind me to unclasp my bra, his fingers fumbling with the clasp for a moment before I heard him curse under his breath.

“What’s wrong?”

“The damn clasp. The way it happens in the movies is bullshit. These double hooks are a bitch when you can’t see what you’re doing.”

I laughed. “Here. Let me.”

“No, I want to take my time undressing you. Roll over.”

I flipped onto my stomach, and deft fingers roamed up my sides before coming together to effortlessly unhook the back clasp of my bra. His hands slid down my arms to lower the straps, placing feather-light kisses along my spine as he went. Brushing away the wisps of hair at my neck, his tongue found my ear. Nibbling on my earlobe, the full weight of him pressed down against my back.

Immediately, I felt as if I were suffocating. I couldn’t breathe—images of the past reared up and smacked me in the face.

The glint of a butcher knife.

The hard press of fingers against my throat.

The sound of pants dropping to the floor.

Ragged panting breaths drowning out desperate pleas.

And the pain…

“Get off me!” I screamed. “Get off, get off!”

Derek moved quickly, jumping off the bed with his hands raised.

“What is it? Did I do something wrong? Are you okay?”

My chest heaved and it took me a minute to process his words. When I saw his panicked expression, my eyes filled with angry tears. I was so sure—sodamnsure—I could do this.

I was wrong.

Ethan shattered a part of me I would never be able to get back—not even with someone as kind and as tender as Derek. My anger turned to embarrassment.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just tell me what’s wrong.” When I didn’t answer right away, he pressed on. “Talk to me, Sparky.”

I shook my head and covered my naked breasts with one arm, using my free hand to reach for the edge of the bed comforter. Pulling it around to cover my body, I had to fight off the trembling that threatened to take over. It wasn’t fair for me to drag this man through all of my crap.

“I’m fucked up, Derek. That’s what’s wrong. You should just… just go home.”

Getting up from the bed, I went into the living room wrapped in the bulky blanket. Derek followed close behind.

“Oh, hell no. You’re going to tell me what just happened in there,” he said, pointing back toward the bedroom.

“I already told you. There are things in my past that are too painful to talk about. Please don’t ask me to.”

“No, the way you screamed just now…” He trailed off and shook his head. He took a step forward as though he wanted to touch me, but then thought better of it. “This shell you keep yourself in… I don’t understand why, after all of these months, you haven’t opened up to me. I feel things for you, strong things I can’t put into words because I know I’d risk scaring you off. If you feel anything for me at all, you’ll help me understand why you’re afraid to let me in.”

“You think I don’t feel, too? That’s the problem, Derek! I feel everything too damn much! I feel all the good with you, but all the other shit keeps getting in my way! Welcome to my post-shitty life!”

“Your what?”

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