Page 74 of The Sound of Silence

I didn’t even notice I’d stopped pacing until I felt Derek’s hand on my cheek. Using his thumb, he brushed away a tear I hadn’t realized had fallen.

“I want to kill that mother fucker for hurting you,” he whispered. “Please don’t cry, Sparky. You don’t have to continue. I don’t need to know all the details—I only wanted to know whatnotto do so I didn’t mistakenly trigger a bad memory.”

I looked up into his eyes, so full of patience and understanding. A weaker version of myself might have folded right then and there, seeking the solitude of my mind to protect myself from the rest of the world, but I wasn’t that person anymore—I couldn’t afford to be that person anymore. I’d come too far to go back. Determination settled in my bones with a renewed confidence that turned my spine to steel.

“Ethan wanted children. I knew it would be irresponsible to bring a child into that environment, and I didn’t want anything that would tie myself to him for the rest of my life. I knew I was going to leave him by that point; I just didn’t know when. Anyway, I was on birth control, and he found out. He came at me. I tried to defend myself, but I was no match against him. He beat me, and…” I paused, struggling to get the rest out. “He choked me and defiled me… from… from behind in the worst possible way.”

Uttering those words made me feel as if I was being ripped apart from the inside. The shame tore at my soul, and with it came tremendous pain. I also felt a certain amount of relief through the hurt, as if the weight of the entire world had been removed from my shoulders.

He took a step back and began to walk in tight circles, raking his hands through his hair, patrolling like a wild animal locked in a cage. Shaking his head, he stopped pacing to look at me.

“Are you saying he…that he…he anally raped you?”

I winced, hearing him verbalize the brutality I tried so hard to keep buried. I wanted to lie—to deny what had happened—terrified Derek would look at me differently and wouldn’t want me anymore. I nodded reluctantly, knowing no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t escape the vicious truth.

“Yes. That’s why, when you pressed your weight down on my back, I lost it. I’m sorry. I didn’t know I’d have that kind of reaction.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” he growled.

“I thought he would surely kill me that day. When he didn’t, I realized I had to act. I know what you’re probably going to ask—no, I didn’t call the police. I couldn’t. Ethan’s a cop. The chances of someone helping me were slim to none. Not to mention, embarrassing him with a scandal would have been like signing my own death warrant. Instead, I got in touch with a few friends—Natalia, Teddy, and Ben. They saved me that day. There was a scene, but in the end, I got out. Without them, I’m not sure what would have happened. I’m only here today because of them. Hopefully, you’ll get to meet them one day. They’re the only family I have.”

Derek pulled me close, and this time, I welcomed his embrace. His touch seeped a little bit of warmth into my blood, which seemed to be flowing arctic cold. Taking my chin in his hand, he turned my head back to look at him.

“Do not blame yourself,” he said vehemently. “You’re not just another victim. You’re tougher than that. You got out. You’re a survivor.”

“I’m trying to be,” I whispered. The truth was, baring my soul left me vulnerable in ways I’d never felt before.

“You should talk to somebody, maybe a professional counselor about what happened to you. You can’t keep this all inside.”

“I’ve been talking to people, although I’ve never revealed as much as I just did with you. A couple of months ago, I started attending group therapy sessions at Stone’s Hope. Listening to the other women made me realize I wasn’t alone, and I’ve found strength through them. They’re the reason I had the courage to give you my truth tonight.”

He pressed a kiss to my forehead and held it there for a long while. Tightening his arms around me, I felt the deep rise and fall of his strong chest.

“Do you trust me, Gianna?”

I looked up at him, liking the sound of my true name coming from his lips. I inwardly smiled when I realized what that meant.

No more Val.

No more hiding.

I could just be me again.

“Yes, why?”

“Because I want to show you something. Come with me.” Taking my hand, he led me to the bedroom. Once we were there, he turned to face me and lifted my chin to meet his gaze. “If you’ll let me, I want to show you what it feels like to be touched by someone who truly cares for you.”

“Derek, I—”

He held up his hand to stop me.

“No sex. It’s clear you’re not ready for that yet, and that’s perfectly okay. I won’t pretend to understand how you feel, but I know your husband took something from you, and now you’re afraid. Tonight, I just want to show you how to feel again. So, I’ll ask you once more. Do you trust me?”

“I trust you.”

33

Derek

---