Page 89 of The Sound of Silence

Iwatched Gianna zip up her gym bag then stand to rotate her neck to stretch the muscles. Every part of her had to hurt. As much as it killed me to know that, I knew the pain was a good thing. After four more failed attempts, she had finally taken Xi down. I was awed by her fierce determination.

“You did good, but you still have more to learn,” I told her after Hana and Xi left the room. “You should break tomorrow and let your muscles relax.”

She shook her head.

“I can’t take a break and you know it.”

I pursed my lips, annoyed by her stubbornness, but decided not to push the issue. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a small silver tube and handed it to her.

“Take this,” I instructed and slipped the four-inch metal stick into her hand.

“What is it?”

“It’s a kubotan.”

“It looks like a penlight keychain.”

“It’s meant to look that way for discretion purposes. It has a small knife hidden inside. It’s not really big enough to do any major damage, but if used properly, you could buy yourself precious seconds needed to get away from anyone who may be trying to harm you. It’s a pretty common self-defense weapon. Technically, it’s not legal, so don’t go waving it around. I don’t know Ethan but from what you’ve said, I think you should keep this on your person just in case. If you’re alone, make sure to always have this at the ready. All you have to do is unscrew the tip, flip it around, and screw it back in.”

I watched as she twisted it open and did as I instructed so the top became the handle. The hidden blade made a perfect, pocket-sized knife. She looked up at me and smiled.

“Uh, thanks, I guess. Hopefully I won’t need to use it,” she joked lightly.

“This isn’t a laughing matter, Gia. I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but I need you to promise me that you’ll be safe.”

Wrapping her arms around my waist, she attempted to give me a reassuring squeeze.

“Trust me, Derek. I’m trying in every way I know how.”

“Are you going to tell me where you’re staying?” When she shook her head, I released a grunt of frustration. “I don’t know why the hell you can’t trust me. I don’t see the need for all of this secrecy.”

“Don’t get mad. This isn’t about whether or not I trust you. It’s the police I don’t trust. I can’t rely on them to keep me safe. If you know where I am and they pressure you to tell them, it could get back to Ethan. Call me crazy, but I think of it as survival. I’m doing what I need to do. It’s you who needs to trust me.”

Not knowing where she was living was driving me absolutely insane. I’d barely slept in three days because of it. I suspected she might be at a woman’s shelter, but I couldn’t be sure. There were so many shelters around the city. If I started calling each one of them, I wouldn’t get far. They did a good job of hiding women from abusers. If Ethan really was watching as she suspected, I needed to be on guard as well. Any attempt I made to find her could inadvertently tip him off to her location.

Pulling her closer, I squeezed her tight. I never wanted her to leave my side. I loved this fierce little woman with every fiber of my being and couldn’t wait for the day I could tell her everything I felt for her. I wanted to protect her and keep her safe more than anything in the world. I understood her reasons for doing what she was doing, but that didn’t mean I had to like it.

“I trust you. It’s him I don’t trust,” I murmured into the top of her head. I made sure my tone was soft, but inside, I felt a raging beast fighting to be unleashed. I hated this—hated that he’d hurt her, hated that she was afraid, and most of all, I hated feeling helpless.

She looked up and placed a chaste kiss on lips.

“I have to go. I’ll call you later tonight.”

Reluctantly, I stepped back. It killed me to watch her leave the gym all alone. It was just after-dinner hour and still light outside. The streets would be crowded enough to keep her relatively safe, but that didn’t stop me from worrying. Frustrated beyond all hell, I had a sudden urge to throw something. I had tried to keep calm, but after days of worrying about Gianna’s safety, I was ready to snap.

I eyed the long punching bag in the corner of the room. Not bothering with boxing gloves, I stepped up to the bag and took a bare-fisted swing.Hitting the vinyl felt better than I expected. I’d never used a bag to work out my anger, but after the third strike, I could already feel how it was helping work through the swarm of emotions that pumped through my veins. I beat at the bag, over and over again, relishing the cathartic release with every blow.

I gave my girlfriend a pocketknife to protect herself—a fucking knife!

I didn’t want to think about how seriously messed up that was. I spun around and struck the bag with a forceful back fist and tried to erase the memory of Gianna telling me what Ethan had done to her—all the reasons why she needed a knife and self-defense classes. I turned again and landed a punishing roundhouse kick, forcing the image of her fearful eyes when she thought he’d found her. I pulled Ethan’s face from the deep recesses of my memory and imagined his bones and cartilage crunching beneath my fists as I inflicted another punch into the cylindrical bag.

Feral, violent thoughts consumed me. I didn’t like feeling this way and knew I needed to calm this unfamiliar temper. Rage wasn’t going to help Gianna—she’d already experienced enough rage from one man.

Taking a few calming breaths, I resumed working the bag at a more measured pace.

Snap. Two. Three. Four. Punch. Two. Three. Four. Kick. Two. Three. Four.

I counted the reps over and over again, using the tempo to calm the roiling anger. I let the punches flow freely, the snap keeping a steady pace as my feet moved effortlessly around the bag.

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