Page 7 of Endurance

Were Dean and I meant for each other?

I didn’t know the answer. Tears began to well in my eyes from the realization, and I quickly blinked them away. Perhaps the opportunity to go to California was fated. At the very least, it would give me time to work out these conflicting emotions and let destiny guide the way.

“Kals, you okay?” Austin asked, eyeing me curiously.

“Yeah, I’m good.” I offered him a forced smile and turned my attention back to the television, wishing real life were like it was in the movies.

2

Kallie

After two hours of listening to me weigh the pros and cons of marriage and a temporary move to California, Austin and Gabby bid their farewells.

“I love you, sis. I’ll keep my ringer turned up. If you need to call and hash out your thoughts in the middle of the night, I’m here for you,” my brother said, pulling me into a fierce hug.

“Thanks, Austin.” I squeezed my brother tight. Despite our constant teasing, I knew Austin would do anything for me. He understood the magnitude of the decisions I was facing and would support whichever choices I made.

“That’s ditto for me,” Gabby added.

I let go of Austin and embraced my friend. “Thanks, you guys. I love you both so much.”

As they headed for their cars, I stood in the doorway of my townhouse, watching until their taillights disappeared. After closing and locking the door, I headed upstairs toward my bedroom. Along the way, I passed by the guest room to check on Emma. I smiled when I saw her tiny arms wrapped around the purple plush teddy bear that I’d given her on her fourth birthday. Her breathing was deep and even, assuring me she was still asleep.

Giving in to a yawn, I gingerly closed the door and went to my room. Austin’s mention of my tarot deck had been on my mind ever since he’d said it, and I was looking forward to the quiet solitude and reflection they always seemed to bring.

Sitting on my bed, I opened my nightstand drawer and pulled out the cards. Settling in, I tapped the deck twice, then gave them a thorough shuffle before cutting the pile three times. I was fairly new to tarot reading by most standards. I’d dabbled in college but had recently become more serious with general readings for myself. They helped to give me perspective on the past, understanding of the present, and insight into future possibilities.

Focusing my intent and energy, I fanned the cards into an arc across my bedspread. After selecting the first eight that called to me, I placed them in formation face down. Flipping over the first one, the Judgement card lay before me. It was upright, symbolizing reflection and awakening, and would be the theme for today’s reading. Reflection was fitting for my current situation, as I’d been doing a lot of that lately.

Leaving the card in place, I turned over the next card to reveal the reversed Moon, symbolizing confusion. I frowned. Tarot cards were always open to interpretation, but it was almost scary how much they were in tune with my energy.

Flipping over a third card, it revealed an upright Temperance card. I closed my eyes and called on my intuition, trying to see how the symbol of patience applied to my current situation. After turning over the first two cards, I’d felt anxious and found myself taking a few deep breaths. Perhaps that’s exactly why the card presented itself. I needed to maintain a sense of calm and balance to better channel my energy.

Turning the fourth card, I let out a small gasp when I saw the upright Tower card—a symbol of disaster in my future. My heart began to race again, and I quickly flipped over a fifth card. It was the upright Devil, which meant addiction and materialism.

With only three cards left, I slowly reached to flip over the one that would give me insight into external influences. It was the reversed Lovers card. My stomach dropped, knowing this was more than just an omen. It was something I’d already been feeling—a sense of imbalance in my relationship with Dean. This card told me that a move to California could have a very negative impact on my relationship.

After talking with Austin and Gabby, and before taking out my tarot deck, I’d been almost certain of my path. I thought I would go to California, then return in six months to marry Dean. If our relationship was meant to be, we would get through the separation.

Now I wasn’t so sure.

In all honesty, I’d been shocked by his proposal. Perhaps it was because I had a history of failed relationships. Everyone who came before Dean was either a cheater, a self-indulgent bad boy, or a suffocating control freak. I’d often thought back to the gypsy’s warnings so many years ago when she told me I was cursed in romance and destined for a life of disappointment and heartache. When I met Dean, I had thought the curse was broken because he was the complete opposite of the other guys I’d dated.

“Did I settle too easily?” I wondered aloud to the empty room.

Reaching for the second to last card, I flipped it to see an upright High Priestess. Her appearance could signify that it was time for me to listen to my intuition rather than prioritizing my intellect and conscious mind. Considering that, I remembered what Dean had said about marriage being the next practical step. A part of me began to wonder if I was actuallyinlove with Dean. I feared that I might only love him more as a friend but was simply falling in line with society’s natural order of things.

I shifted my gaze to the final card. Considering that all of my cards so far had been Major Arcana, signifying impactful and life-changing events, I was almost afraid to turn it over. When I did, I found myself staring at the upright Fool. I sighed at the foregone conclusion and tapped my finger on the jester’s face.

“You just had to show up today of all days, didn’t you?”

In love, the Fool tarot card signaled that I needed to experience new things to find the romance I desired. It meant taking risks to find love in the most unlikely places. The card could also mean new beginnings in my career, and I should welcome the chance to be bold when starting a new journey.

As I stared at the imagery on the cards to determine the story they were trying to tell, my cell phone began to ring. Rattled by the sudden noise, I didn’t even look at the name on the caller ID before answering.

“Hello,” I said absently.

“Kallie, it’s me,” Dean replied, effectively snapping me to full attention.

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