Liar.
I didn’t voice the thought out loud because it wasn’t worth the argument.
“You don’t look too great.”
“Thanks for the compliment,” he sardonically replied. “Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah, just give me a minute to get my stuff together.” Glancing back down at my computer screen, I saved the press release document I’d been working on, then closed the laptop. After gathering my things, Sloan and I headed out.
Out the corner of my eye, I monitored him as we walked across the parking lot at Auto Club Speedway toward my car. When we reached it, he opened the driver’s side door of the BMW for me, then made his way around to the passenger side. As I buckled my seatbelt, I watched his movements while he climbed in. He was cautious, and I caught his wince when he thought I wasn’t looking.
We were supposed to leave for San Antonio, Texas in two days. The big race wasn’t for another week, but my concern for Sloan had grown steadily with each passing day. I wasn’t convinced he’d be able to pull it off. He practiced hard, but the actual race would be even more challenging, and it would come with more risks. It was one thing to practice in a controlled environment with a couple of other cars on the track, and something completely different to be going up against forty or more other racers on race day. I suspected Sloan might have been thinking the same, as his mood had become increasingly sullen over the past week.
“Have you thought any more about calling your doctor?” I asked. “PT might help considerably right now.”
“Kallie, don’t. I told you. I’m fine,” he replied irritably. He ran a hand through his dark waves, and his eyes flashed. It was impossible to miss the fiercely determined set to his jaw.
I pursed my lips and shook my head in frustration. He was as stubborn as a mule and resolved to see this through. The only thing I could do was continue to support him.
“I packed a hemp extract in my overnight bag. It’s a pain relief cream. When we get back to your place, you should rub some of it on that hip. Afterward, I can help you stretch,” I offered rather than push the issue further. “I’ll need to stop by my place at some point too. We leave for San Antonio in two days, and I still need to pack.”
He turned his head to look out the window but didn’t respond. Suppressing a sigh, I turned the key in the ignition and began the drive back to Sloan’s house in Beverly Grove. An awkward silence fell between us, and I flipped on the radio for some background noise. After fiddling with the controls, I settled on an alternative music station. Green Day’s “21 Guns” began playing through the speakers.
I tried to focus on the lyrics, but my effort was in vain. All I could think about was how much it hurt to see the man I fell in love with suffering so much. While I hadn’t told him I loved him yet, I was sure about the depths of my feelings. I just hadn’t found the right time to tell him amidst the insane schedule we’d been keeping. By the time I finished work for the night, it was almost always close to midnight. We’d fall into bed, make love into the early hours of the morning, only to have the alarm go off all too soon, and we’d start the routine all over again.
However, deep down, I knew I could have found the time to tell him. My excuse was really only for myself because I was terrified of Sloan’s reaction once I told him. It could significantly complicate things if my feelings weren’t reciprocated. Neither of us needed that kind of strain a week before his race. It would be better for all if I kept my feelings to myself for a bit longer.
When I pulled into Sloan’s driveway almost an hour later, we still hadn’t spoken. After I killed the engine, Sloan began to climb out of the car. I turned to look at him. Pain was prevalent in every line of his face, distorting his perfect features with dark shadows. I hurried out and walked around to his side of the car to help him. I reached for his arm, but he pushed it away.
“I’ve got it,” he snapped, letting his pride outweigh his need for help.
“No, you don’t. Stop being a fool,” I told him and wrapped an arm around his waist. “I might be small, but I’m stronger than I look. Put your weight on me.”
He didn’t protest this time and leaned into me. When we got to the front door, I reached into his front pocket for the keys to his house.
“Careful. If you dig deep enough, you might find something else,” he teased.
“You’re incorrigible,” I said with a small laugh. “You can barely walk, yet you zeroed in on the least important thing at the moment. Is sex always on your brain?”
“Only when it comes to you.”
We entered the house, and I led Sloan over to the couch. After he sat down, he released a small groan. I worried my bottom lip, hating to see him this way.
“Stay here. I’m going to run and grab that hemp cream I told you about.”
“I can assure you—I’m not going anywhere.”
Not wasting another minute, I hurried up the stairs and into his master bathroom to where I’d left my overnight bag. After locating my makeup tote, I pulled it out and sifted through the contents until I found the cream. I hoped that the combination of hemp and other organic ingredients, including menthol and arnica, would soothe the muscles supporting his joint. Since he still refused to work with his doctors and therapists, the cream combined with stretching would have to do for today.
“Here you go,” I said after I returned to the living room. “Just scoop out a good dollop with your fingers and rub it directly over the painful areas. While you do that, I’m going to head back upstairs and change into clothes more suitable for stretching. Do you want me to grab you a pair of shorts or something while I’m up there?” I asked, not wanting him to do the stairs if at all possible.
“Please. There are gym shorts in the second drawer of my dresser.” I turned to walk away, but he called out. “Kallie?”
“Yeah.”
He hesitated, and his brow furrowed. His expression held a certain amount of sadness mixed with resolve. But there was also a longing I had never seen before.
“Thank you,” he eventually said. “I’m not sure if any of this would be possible if I didn’t have you with me.”