Page 76 of Endurance

“I don’t know. I was sore and irritable, but that’s really no excuse. I guess I went into defense mode when you accused me, and I immediately turned into an asshole. Milo gave me those things a month ago. I’ll admit—I thought about taking them, but…” I trailed off, trying to find the words to explain how she was the one who ultimately stopped me. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, I turned her toward the house. “Let’s go inside, and I’ll try to explain.”

“No,” she said, stepping back and shrugging my arm away. “Sloan, I’m happy you didn’t take the pills and decided to get rid of them. But for me, it’s more than that. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, and I think we need to pump the breaks.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, my suspicion about the suitcases coming to the forefront of my mind. “The suitcases in the hallway… those aren’t packed for Texas, are they?”

She slowly shook her head, confirming what I already thought I knew.

“I decided not to go to San Antonio with you. I’m going home for a while instead. I’ve booked a flight home for the day after tomorrow. It’s not about the pills and whether or not you took them—it’s about me not being able to stand seeing you in so much pain. You love racing so much that you’ll kill yourself to make it happen. I can’t sit by and watch you follow this path, especially knowing what you could lose. You have everything right in front of you, but you can’t see it—you can’t seeme. All you see is a checkered flag.”

“Of course I see you, Kallie.”

“No, you don’t. If you did, you would know…” She hesitated, biting her lower lip as her eyes glossed over with unshed tears.

“I would know what?” I prompted.

“You would know I was a fool who fell in love with a man who will never love me back.”

Anguish ripped through my soul at her words. She began to rub her arms as if she were warding off a chill even though the day was shaping up to be a hot one. She looked so distraught, I knew better than to reach for her again—to touch her or try to kiss her sorrows away. Her eyes bore into mine, her expression a mix of confusion, hurt, and sadness. I looked down at the ground, unable to meet her gaze.

She loves me.

When I brought my eyes back up to meet hers, I saw the unshed tears begin to fall from her emerald greens. Knowing I was the cause for those tears shattered me.

“Kallie, I—”

She shook her head again and held up a hand to stop me from speaking.

“I wish you good luck on the race. If all goes well, I’ll be back in a couple of weeks to finish our contract. As for us… I don’t see how there can be an us. The gypsy tried to warn me,” she said with a bitter laugh. “We’ve both made ourselves perfectly clear from the beginning. I told you I couldn’t separate my emotions from sex, and for you, racing is and always will be your first love. Despite what I said, I can’t settle for second place. Racing takes the cup. I hope she treats you well in San Antonio.”

“Kallie, no. I need you there with me.”

I saw the storm roll through her eyes. Grief clutched me in its fiery hold, incinerating and blistering. At that moment, everything became clear. I was going to lose her. But I couldn’t lose her because…

I love her, too.

I tried to push the thought away, only for it to come roaring back with a vengeance. This was a first for me, and I could barely even think, let alone process it. But one thing was absolutely certain—it wasn’t racing I needed. It was her—only her. Kallie was more than a pit stop—she was my checkered flag.

However, in her eyes, I loved racing more. It was why she was leaving. It had nothing to do with whether I took oxy or not and everything to do with her trying to run away from a broken heart. I reached out to try to pull her to me again, needing to tell her how I felt, but I wasn’t fast enough. In a flash, she turned and ran toward the house.

“Kallie, hang on. Don’t run from me again. Let’s talk about this!” I called out as I charged a few steps behind her.

It took her less than two seconds to turn the key to unlock the front door before she disappeared into the house. I didn’t chase her inside, but only because I needed to process my thoughts. I couldn’t run in there half-cocked, professing my love. She wouldn’t believe it—at least not right now. Kallie deserved the stars, the moon, and all the rainbows under the sun—and I’d be back later to make damn sure she got them.

25

Kallie

Ipeered around the edge of the dining room curtains and watched Sloan pull out of the driveway. A part of me couldn’t believe he was leaving without denying what I’d said—that racing was more important to him than I was. But another part of me knew it was all my fault. I’d stood too close to the fire. I’d allowed myself to get lost in him, falling hard and fast, and let the hurricane of emotions break my soul. I’d been warned of this—whether it was a misguided gypsy hoax or a hard truth—and I only had myself to blame.

Even though I was glad to hear he didn’t swallow the pills, finding them opened my eyes to the day I would eventually become second to a motorsport. I’d just been in denial. It was evident that racing was his true love—his life’s passion. While I’d once thought I’d be okay with that, I wasn’t anymore. I couldn’t settle for second place.

I let the curtains fall back into place and walked back through the living room to the back yard. My gaze flitted between the patio lounge chair and the pool, causing memories from the first night I’d been with Sloan to flash in my mind. I closed my eyes, picturing our moments together. It was almost too much to bear. I felt empty without him, lost in a black hole of misery.

I’d told him I’d come back after the race to finish out the contract, but who was I kidding? I could barely look at the back yard without missing him. Coming back and facing a man I loved with all of my heart but who would never love me in return would be more than just torture—it would destroy me. It was better if I left now while there was still hope of fixing the pieces of my shattered heart.

Going back into the house, I retrieved my cell phone from my purse and glanced at the time. It was still early on the East Coast, but I was fairly certain my mother would be awake. Sinking into the cushions of the couch, I punched her number into the keypad.

“Hewow?” answered the cutest voice I’d ever heard.

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