Page 17 of Echoes of a Muted Song

Chapter 11

(Johnny)

My eyes stung from all the tears I’d shed, and I knew my voice would be scratchy when I addressed the band. Jagger gave my hand a squeeze, reminding me that there wasn’t anything I couldn’t get through as long as I had him, our bandmates, and Draven by my side. The silence that greeted us was unexpected, as was the sight of them busy scribbling away with pens in hand and Sully overseeing the proceedings.

“Hey, um, guys, can we interrupt for a moment?” Jagger said, waiting to speak until all eyes were on him. “Johnny has something he needs to say, but he needs you guys to keep your reactions to yourselves until he gets it all out, so sit on your hands if you need to and keep your mouths shut.”

The way he growled that last part reminded me of how fierce my best friend could be whensomeone pushed him, like they used to do when they’d make snide remarks behind his brother’s back. He’d bloodied his knuckles on more than one of their faces and taken a few beatdowns when he’d been outmatched.

“Is everybody good with that?” Jagger asked. “’Cause if not, you can go find a room to park your ass in and get the highlights later.”

The silence just deepened. Rebel, ever the smartass, motioned like he was zipping his mouth closed and tossed the imaginary key over his shoulder. Everyone sat back, got comfortable and gave me the floor, while Jagger remained by my side, still holding my hand, a silent presence letting me do what I needed to do.

“Just before we came out here I spoke to my lawyer. Tomorrow morning the Bristol County prosecutor’s office is going to hold a hearing to revoke my bond and issue a warrant for my arrest on new charges after the second person involved in the accident, Mrs. McCall, passed away as a direct result of injuries sustained in the accident. If bail is granted I’ll be able to bond out again, but with it comes the possibility of house arrest. That means I won’t be able to leave New Bedford to rejoin you. He thinks it will work in my favor if I fly to Providence tonight and meet him, so he can present me to the judge in the morning to show that there is no reason for a revocation. I’ll be booked on the new charges and have to go back before the magistrate to see howthey wish to proceed. It sucks and I hate that the only option left is to offer a reward for any new information about the accident. I refuse to ask about the green van specifically. Them having to wade through a bunch of bullshit information because someone decided to try and make a play for the cash would just slow things down and piss me off in the process, so that’s the play we’re gonna go with. I can only hope greed will be enough to motivate the driver to come forward, since clearly his conscience hasn’t been able to manage it. My lawyer has also informed me that if he does come forward and admits to being there that night and sitting on the information, that charges can be pursued against him for withholding information in a criminal case. I don’t know how I want him to play that yet, since I’m still trying to wrap my head around how anyone can see what the fuck is going on with the case right now and still keep silent about it. It’s all over the headlines again, not that it’s ever fully left the papers completely.”

Now that the first torrent of words had spilled from my lips to the disbelief and fury of the men in the room, I could breathe a little easier. All of them kept their vow of silence, though I could see Dash struggling, his nose wrinkling each time he sucked in a deep breath and fought to keep his lips pressed together.

“I’m going back alone,” I said, pinning Draven in place with the force of my stare. He and Icould have words in private, he wasn’t gonna win whatever debate I knew he’d start once we were alone. I wouldn’t have time for a long one anyway. I’d already booked my flight. In four hours I’d fly off into an uncertain tomorrow, but at least I could do it knowing that I’d done everything in my power to see to it that the band wouldn’t lose a step. “Best case scenario I’m back before we head to Seattle. Worse case, Jagger has agreed to play both sets that night, with Lily-Ann’s band, Cactus Rose, playing a surprise set in between to give him a break. The absolute worst case imaginable, and the thing my lawyer and I are attempting to avoid by having me come back before they can issue a warrant, is that they put me on house arrest. I’ll have to wear the damned ankle monitor and pretty much be confined to my apartment. In which case Door Dash is going to make a fortune off me.”

A few uncomfortable chuckles followed my words. I could tell Rebel was itching to say something, but he held it together, even if he squirmed like he was sitting on a hill of fire ants. That’s okay, I was almost finished.

“In the event that I’ll need a long-term replacement for the upcoming tour, I’ve put a few feelers out. When you check your phones, you’ll see a folder of the best ones to come in, as well as my recommendations. You’re the only ones who can determine who you can perform with and ultimately go on to make music with ifthis becomes permanent, so no matter what you read in my report, make the best decision for you and keep kicking ass the way we’ve been doing all these years. That’s all I’ve got.”

“’Ghosts of Enemies Past’ hit number one,” Rebel blurted.

Ho-ly shit!

Jagger squealed and yanked me into an embrace, and we danced like the world was coming to an end until our dance was brought to an abrupt halt when we were literally squished together and squeezed until it felt like my eyes were gonna pop out of my skull. Jagger’s hair was in my mouth, someone’s elbow was crushing my ear, and it was the best damn feeling ever. No matter what I was about to face, these were the people who were giving me the strength to face it. I took solace in that and in celebrating a lifelong achievement with the people who’d made it possible.

It wasn’t lost on me how much Draven had done behind the scenes to make this moment possible and that, without a shadow of a doubt, had nothing to do with our relationship and everything to do with the way he’d embraced the change of life forced on him by his accident. He had a new dream now, too, one I hoped to be by his side to see him accomplish. But if I could only support him from behind iron bars, then I’d write my fingers off sending him letters of encouragement and content for theband’s websites. I’d help in any way I could: write songs, mockup designs for merchandise and album covers, even help develop a marketing plan and a release schedule for singles to keep the band constantly relevant and in the public eye. Whatever it took to fill whatever role they needed me to. I’d step up the way Draven had stepped into his new role. We were all still in this together.

It took time for the squealing, dancing, squishing and tears to subside and everyone to step back so I could breathe a little. Draven tipped my head back and kissed me as fiercely and possessively as he had before we’d left our hotel room, staking his claim where everyone could see.

“Do we have time to talk?” he typed.

“As long as you don’t waste any of it trying to talk me out of going back,” I said.

“I won’t, I agree, it’s the right thing to do.”

He didn’t like it, that I could tell by the set of his jaw and the fury blazing in his moss green gaze, but he’d back my play. My second trip down the hall wasn’t as anxiety laden as the first, and I was pretty sure I was all cried out. Inside the same room I’d left just a short time before with Jagger, he slammed me against the door and kissed me breathless, his tears mingling with our moans as he said goodbye to me.

“No matter what happens, you’re mine, you remember that,” he growled, breathless againstmy lips. “You remember what we promised each other in that hotel room. Not five hundred miles nor five thousand will keep me from being there for you when you need me.”

His voice was almost gone by the final syllable, but it wasn’t words I wanted from him. I wanted more kisses. I wanted him to brand himself on me so I’d feel him all the way to the airport and beyond. I wanted to ache on that flight and if I wound up in a holding cell in the morning, his hands on me and the bruises from his fingertips were what I wanted to sit there thinking about. Not the one part that I’d held back from them. The very real possibility that this could be my last night of freedom for a very long time. My lawyer had been very clear. People were up in arms, they were pissed after my Rocktoberfest performance, pissed that I was out there living my life while a father of three lay in the ground. They felt that the only reason I’d been allowed to do that was because of my celebrity status, forgetting that the fame was only hitting now, months after the events on that August night.

He kissed me again and the back of my head bounced off the wood, the pain jarring me from my thoughts and back to the moment and the man grinding against me. Our eyes met when he drew back, breathless as he hoisted me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist and grip his hair.

“I fell in love with you three blocks from here,”I told him. “When you came strutting across the stage at the Velvet Crow. You were still in your goth phase, with the white hair and the ice blue contacts up there looking like a walking advertisement for a vampire dating app. I’d have filled out a profile in a minute, just for a chance at a date with you. I don’t even remember who you were playing with at the time, my eyes were on you and those skintight leather pants you were wearing.”

His eyes narrowed and he scowled, trying to shake his head but I held firm. He didn’t need to say anything and he didn’t need his device. I had all the words either of us needed tonight.

“I know you don’t remember me,” I continued on. “Our eyes never met, no matter how many times I tried to switch spots to get closer to the stage. The place was packed and I’m short as hell. I spent half my night dancing on a chair with Rebel’s hand on my ass to keep me from falling. You were amazing up there, standing in fog and those blue strobe lights, growling out the words to those songs. Funny, too, that I don’t remember the band you were singing with, but I can recall every word of the last song you sang that night.”

I sang it for him then, the way I’d wished for him to sing it to me that night, just for me, despite the crowded room around us.

Twisting and narrow, the road weaves

Past fields where we the dead rot away

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