Page 4 of Echoes of a Muted Song

Grinning, he leaned in, dropping his device on the edge of the dresser as he crowded me back against the chair as his hands cupped my cheeks, making it impossible to look away. “I can think of plenty of ways to burn off excess energy that don’t involve you having to leave this room.”

“B-but…” The moment I started stammering out an excuse, he silenced me with a kiss that nearly turned my bones to liquid. I was so caught off guard and blown away by the intensity that I forgot to kiss back. Hell, I forgot my name, where we were, what planet this was and what the hell we’d been talking about before it happened.

“Or not,” he murmured, stepping back while I stood there blinking.

“This would be a lot easier if I knew what was off limits,” I blurted when he started turning away.

“W-what…” he rasped out, lips moving but I couldn’t make out what he was trying to say to me.

“I can’t tell you how many years I’ve wanted you,” I continued, words like a freight train tumbling out of my brain.

I knew I’d regret this later, when he tossed out some bastardized line aboutwhatever happens in Palm Springs stayed in Palm Springs, but I needed to get a few things off my chest.

“But I’ve never had to worry about fucking up our friendship, ‘cause you were always off limits, and I knew what lines not to cross. Now you’ve erased some of them and I don’t know what to do with that, or how much to trust that I won’t jump two steps over the line with where I put my hands or my lips or my tongue or…” I began.

I had to choke that thought back before the front of my pants started bulging, leaving no doubt in his mind what I wanted to do.

“I figured we’d come out here and hang out, maybe fuck around a little with some chick between us that we’d picked up at a nightclub. You might let my hands wander a little before you put them back on her and we’d both know once and for all that you really were the only straight boy in the group. Then you go kissing me like this isn’t some experiment for you, while I’m still over here tapdancing on eggshells and broken glass, waiting for the floor to fall out from beneath me. I don’t know what to do with that, or you, and I’m kinda feelin’ really fuckin’ stupid right now for getting all spun out aboutthis when I knew going in that all it was ever gonna be was a bit of fun, but it’s still fuckin’ with me a little, which is my problem, not yours. So I’m gonna swim until I get my head straight, ‘cause you’re too important to me for me to ruin this.”

He shook his head, mouth moving, but he needed his device and I really needed to get away before the lump forming in my throat left me choked up with tears shimmering in my eyes that I’d never be able to hide if I stayed in the room. When he reached for the device I moved to step around him, but the look on his face when he grabbed my arm stopped me cold. It was fierce and hurt and I knew it was because he was terrified of having to use that damn thing in a world that might not give him the time to organize his thoughts. I couldn’t add to that, even if it left me exposed. I loved him too much to hurt him that way, so I stood still while he struggled to type with one hand and I waited to be told I needed to go book a separate room.

I was okay with that, I was. We really should have booked separate ones in the first place. I needed that escape right now. Needed not to see the disappointment in his eyes thatMr. Too Cool for Damn Near EverythingJohnny Amaral couldn’t keep his shit together for a little fling. Time slowed. Eventually he let go when he knew I wasn’t going to walk away while he was trying to tell me something. I stood there beratingmyself for ever letting my feelings grow so much that they were leaking out of the corners of my eyes right now as shame washed over me.

What was that I’d always said, about clean splits and not forming attachments?

When the fuck had I stopped knowing how to follow my own rules?

I glanced at the red letters on the clock across the room, unable to believe we’d been here less than an hour and a half. That had to be some sort of record for me when it came to fucking shit up. I just hoped he’d accept my apology.

“So let me get this straight,” the electronic voice announced. “You’re being all squirrely about crossing some line after you’ve already had my cock in your mouth?”

“A mouth is a mouth,” I muttered. “I’ve watched you get blow jobs, hell, I’ve gotten one right beside you in a club, remember? I know how much you like them and what you like when someone is giving one and I could probably write a glowing critique on why the curvy brunette with the platinum streaks so easily rocked your world at Piebald’s.”

His eyes widened, then narrowed before he started typing, leaving me to wonder how much he’d typed and erased before sending the message he had. It seemed awful short for the time it took, or maybe I’d just gotten lost inside my head worrying about what he planned to say to me.

“You just rocked my fuckin’ world and I want to rock yours!”

The fierceness in the voice that came out of the machine startled me, as did how loud it was. He must have turned the volume up.

I stared while he typed more, his words slowly beginning to register.

“I know I’ve spent a lot of years telling you to back off and in hindsight, that wasn’t fair. I’ve always been a little bit curious to know what it would be like to be with a man and over the years that urge has just gotten stronger. My biggest issue was that the only man I ever imagined giving into the temptation with was you and you didn’t do relationships, hell, you barely do third dates, so it was easier to pretend I wasn’t jealous of the barflies and fuckboys, but dammit, Johnny, from here on out I want you to be mine.”

He closed the distance between us to cup my cheek and caress it, our eyes meeting as he leaned to press a kiss to my lips. This one was every bit as electric as the one at the start of our conversation, but I melted into it and kissed the hell out of him, too, ‘cause nothing else mattered at that point. He wanted more than just a fuckin’ weekend fling and I was so damned tired of letting myself be picked up by people who only wanted me ‘cause the media had dubbed me a fuckin’ rock star.

Stars fell.

They burned out.

I’d always been and always would be Johnny Amaral and in that kiss I knew that I was loved.

My fingers tangled in his hair and I could taste the damp saltiness of our mingled tears flowing over my lips.

“Say you’ll be mine,” he whispered, nose scrunching as he strained to make his voice heard.

At first, all I could do was nod, but I knew he needed to hear my words as much as I needed to hear his. We were both in unfamiliar territory and I wasn’t naive enough to think it wouldn’t be without its challenges, especially when faced with the reality of my upcoming trial. I also knew we had a good support system in our friends and bandmates, both his and mine. Honestly, until this moment I didn’t realize how much I needed to belong to someone, belong to him. With my life threatening to unravel in just a few months, I knew I’d better grab onto this opportunity and swear the one oath I’d always believed held the most impact of any I’d ever heard.

“I’m yours,” I declared, gazing into up into his eyes. “Until death or five hundred miles separates us.”

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