Page 95 of His Vicious Desire

“The problem is she got pregnant without my permission.She put my life on the damn line without informing me of what could get me killed.”

He scoffs.“Bullshit.She did what you wanted her to do.Don’t tell me that you weren’t doing your hardest to get her pregnant without her knowing.”

“It’s not the same thing,” I argue.I can’t keep it in anymore.“I don’t deserve her.She’s putting her life on hold for an old fucker like me.She gave up her relationship with her brother for me, and I’ll never live up to him.”

His eyes roll at me.“Yes, you're old, but you’re not that old.It’s better she’s too young to know she’s getting the short end of the bargain.”

“Fuck you.She deserves?—”

“Fuck that.Nobodydeservesanything, you reach out and take what you want and hope like hell no one takes it away and if it’s a woman you work your ass off to ensure she never wants to walk away.She wants you, you fucking idiot.There is nodeserveswhere she’s concerned.Bianca has wanted you since she was a know-nothing eighteen-year-old, and now that she’s got some years and learned some things, she still wants you.Go home to your wife.The woman you’ve wanted for three years.Be happy for what you have.”

He's only gone for five minutes before I leave, too.I make it all the way home without any idea of what I’m going to say.Opening the door to my home, I shake my head at the changes.Gone are the recliners; in their place are a long couch, a loveseat, and a single oversized chair with a new ottoman.It’s not leather, it looks like suede, but I have a feeling it’s not with a kid on the way.She has her feet up on the couch while she reads with the television on for background noise.

“What do you think?”Her smile is forced.She’s as tense as I am.

I nod.“I like it.Nice art on the walls.”

“I changed the bed and side tables.”

“Hmm, why don’t you show me.”

Her smile is hesitant.“Okay.”

We make love all night long, catching up for the nights we missed.I’m grateful she doesn’t push me to talk, because I can’t.Not yet, the words aren’t there for her.

They still aren’t there when it comes to the baby.It doesn’t matter that I’m happy and excited about the baby.Every reference is a reminder of what she did.So I start an argument to get out of going.

“I don’t want to know the sex.This should be a surprise.”I shake my head as she pushes me to go with her.

“It’s important to prepare.If you don’t want to know, fine.I won’t tell you.”

“You will end up telling me before the baby comes.The only secrets you’re good at keeping are ones that benefit you.”

She goes still.“Fine.Don’t come.”

Bianca

Driving myself to my doctor’s appointment isn’t what I pictured this far along.Gaetano isn’t forgiving me.At this point, I wonder if he ever will.I think he thought he had—he was as surprised as I was when he taunted me about the lie.

I hoped when he came home it was all over with.What the hell am I going to do?Or do I do nothing?I’m not sure anymore.What if I do something that makes it worse?

Miserable, I get to the appointment way too early and sit and fret.I wanted this experience for both of us.We were both supposed to find out what our baby will be together.I’m certain it’s a boy, and I need him to tell me everything is okay, even though we aren’t having the girl he wants.

I’m shocked when Carina and Sandro leave the sonographer's room.Both of them look so happy—and surprised.“Umm, hi.”

Sandro nods at me.“Where’s Gaetano?”

I don’t dare tell the truth.“Work.He wants it to be a surprise.”

Before I lose my nerve, I focus on Carina.“I want to apologize for…everything.”

Her eyes are soft.Before she can say anything Sandro’s phone rings.The other person is urgent.Business.

The sonographer calls my name, and I’m grateful.Giving them a wave, I follow the lady into the room.

“I’m Gail.Let’s get a look here.”The woman smiles as she helps me onto the table.“I see here you and your husband are requesting 3D sonograms.Smart.The better to see everything.”

Nodding, I keep my eyes on the screen, and I see it.Yet hearing her say it causes tears to spill out and over.

---