Page 112 of Wild Blades

I’m turning my life around quicker than I thought was possible. When I mentioned that earlier to Kali, she informed me that it only takes twenty-one days to break old habits. Which I seem to have done, meaning I may not need her for the entire season if that’s the case, but I’m keeping her for as long as I can. I want to keep her for good. I never want to let her go.

Marcus informed me on the phone that Zane was in surgery to fix his broken nose, again, and may require a follow upprocedure depending on how it went. Whatever happens, he’s a handsome fucker. He’ll make it work. Pity about his ugly soul though.

A tug of my hand has me stepping fully into the kitchen. “Just breathe,” Kali says again softly. “Stand here and let your feelings settle. Is this where…” Her question trails off.

“Yeah.” We’re standing in the spot where I found her.

“It feels cozy in this patch. Like a big warm hug.”

Holy shit, she’s right.

“Do you feel it?”

“I do.” A large lump forms in the back of my throat and I cough to fight the emotion building in my chest.

“She was happy. There are no bad vibes here, Wade. I get the same feeling about Gretchen that I get when I think about my grandmother; it was her time to go. There’s nothing sinister in that. I feel at peace here.”

“You always know the right thing to say, Kali Roth.”

She drops her voice to a whisper. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m actually pretty awesome. C’mon, I want to see these photos of you.”

Kali saunters around the dining area of the open kitchen. “Is this you?” Picking up a framed photo of me in my hockey gear from the pine sideboard. She runs her fingertip over the glass. “You have no front teeth.”

“I was about seven or eight there.” I join her and point to another. “And I’m six there. You could use that one for your social feature.”

“You are so cute. Look at you. You’re much taller than the rest of the team.”

“I was always the tallest boy in my class.”

“If we had babies together, they’d be giraffes,” she scoffs, moving to the wooden cabinet on the other side of the room that’s covered in Gretchen’s crockery collection.

“Babies?” I’m momentarily stunned.

And there’s this moment where she doesn’t reply and stares at me, but then asks, “Are you freaking out?”

“A little.”A lot, actually.

This conversation is getting heavy.

“Michael never wanted a family. I didn’t find that out until after we were married. I always saw myself as a mom though. I love kids.” She snaps her eyes away and busies herself, fiddling with crockery and ornaments Gretchen collected over the years and my shoulders tense up.

Fuck, this could be a deal breaker.“I wouldn’t know how to be a good dad. I never had one.” I’m panicking, sweat beading across my forehead.

“Neither did I because he was busy digging up mummified bodies in the middle of Cairo, but I think I turned out alright and I’m not worried I couldn’t be a good mom. You’re using that as an excuse.” Sounding annoyed, she then asks where the bathroom is.

Fuck, are we having our first disagreement?

In silence, I usher her to the small closet bathroom under the stairs she’s much too tall for and has to duck down like I do, then make my way back into the kitchen.

At the mention of babies, my emotions have gone into overdrive. Although the thought of Kali’s stomach swollen with my baby inside of her makes my dick twitch, which has never happened before. I like the thought of that.

Being a father… I would never know what to do and I don’t think I will ever be ready for that. The only thing that comes natural to me is hockey.

I roam my eyes around the house Gretchen made into a home for us and a sanctuary for me over the summer months between game seasons. Hunched over the kitchen island, my eyes land on the spot on the floor where I found her lying.

An unexpected wave of emotion hits me like a blow to the face from a boxer, making me regret not telling her how grateful I was, how happy she made me. I always felt safe with her. I miss her hugs and her cookies; the nights spent in silence just happy to be sitting in her company, and to have someone love me for me. She was more than a mother; she was a mom and a dad rolled into one.Maybe I could be a good dad. But what if I wasn’t?

“I miss everything. I miss you,” I say out loud. “You’d keep me right with Kali, I know you would. You’d know what to say and do,” I whisper to myself. She always gave the best advice.

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