I double tap the door and stand in the same place I have done every day for the last few weeks, but he’s refused to answer.
Only this time, the handle turns, which gives me hope.
When the door swings open, I go to speak to stop him from closing it again at the sight of my face, but my mouth turns dry because it’s not Wade standing on the other side of the door.
“Oh.” I’m startled by the presence of a young woman.
“Hi.” She looks smug as hell. “He’s in the shower.” Her voice is condescending and sardonic. She lifts her chin, flicking her hair over her shoulder.
Bitterness floods my tongue, my stomach swooshing around. I feel like I’m about to be sick again.
“Who was it?” Naked from the waist up, Wade walks into the kitchen and stops in his tracks when he sees me. His wet hair sends droplets of water rolling down his shoulders.
My gaze flicks between the two of them. Paralyzed, I can’t breathe or understand what I ever did to deserve this.
And then there’s this moment where Wade and I stare at each other.
He must see how awful I look.
How heartbroken I am. The deep set under his eyes mirroring mine.
We’re broken.
Breathing air into my lungs, I push out the only words I can find the strength to say. “It was never a game for me. I meant every word I said to you.” I inhale another gulp of fresh air, desperately trying to hold back the tears. “I hope, with time, you can find it in yourself to forgive me for whatever you think I did.” I slide my eyes to the woman who is much younger than me and probably someone much more suited to him than I am, then back to Wade. The man I love and the man whose baby I am carrying. “I hope you’ll be happy together.”
I don’t hang around.
My stomach is about to empty itself, forcing me to hold my hand over my mouth.
I climb into the car and speed out of there, making gravel spray everywhere as I drive away.
I can’t see or breathe.
Can’t think straight.
I need to pull over. It’s not safe for me to keep driving.
I stop and jump out of the car, feeling sick again.
I dry heave, sobbing, and when my stomach calms a little, I stand on unsteady legs. I lay my hands on my tummy and look down, trying to imagine the person growing in there. “Well, it’s just you and me now, buddy. If you could just behave for today to let mommy get some rest, that would be great.”
A movie in my mind plays out as I imagine seeing Wade living across the road from me with his new girlfriend.
My stomach rolls at the thought.
“We have to move.”
CHAPTER FIFTY
Wade
Another week has passed and it’s been a month since the news broke of my parentage. Something I don’t think I’ll ever get over.
I haven’t slept in days, barely eaten.
My body is exhausted and yet sleep evades me.
I feel guilty, broken, lost, alone.