Page 148 of Wild Blades

I was feeling great.

Until I was knocked off my high flying mood.

My life was too good to be true.

Too perfect.

I became cocky.

Too confident.

I felt invincible before discovering Marcus was my father.

I was wrong about everything starting to feel good again. Because for me, nothing ever lasts. All my happy feelings have disappeared without a trace.

Everyone is better off without me being around. All I have done is cause pain.

I’m the mistake that should never have been.

The secret no one cared for and no one wanted.

Unlike when Gretchen died, when I was angry as hell, it’s like an odd blanket of fuzzy, blurred numbness has wrapped around me.

I have no fight left.

The sound of footsteps storming down the wooden walkway I spent hours clearing the snow from this morning alerts me to someone’s presence. Temperatures fell below zero last night. It’s cold, but I don’t feel cold or hot. I feel nothing and everything.

“Are you going to hide away here forever, then? Is that your plan?” A woman, wearing dark glasses, wrapped in a huge, insulated jacket, and dripping in gold jewelry, walks confidently down the boardwalk I’m sitting at the end of.

“Nicki?”

“How long are you going to stay here feeling sorry for yourself?” Nicki pushes her sunglasses onto the top of her head, making her squint from the low winter sun. “Great view though. I can see the appeal.”

I don’t want to speak to or see anyone. Betrayal has invaded my body, poisoning every thought I have about the people I thought I could trust.

Every day I’ve wondered if Gretchen knew. Perhaps she did. And now I can never ask her.

I’ve spent the weeks since it happened questioning every conversation, every interaction between me, Marcus, and Kali.God, that stings more than anything.

She said she was protecting me; it doesn’t feel like that.

And Zane? Did he treat me the way he did, hated me, because he knew?

Nicki speaks again and gets straight to the point. “You were three when Ritchie, Lola’s father, discovered Miranda was having an affair with my husband. They were best friends, business partners.” She sits down beside me, using her long jacket to protect her backside against the cold wood. “Theiraffair started way before you came along. Deep down, I knew, but brushed it away under the carpet. I was young and stupid, thinking he would change. I was pregnant at the time, and I thought when Zane came along, he would stop. He didn’t. My father would have gone berserk had he discovered Marcus was sleeping with his business partner’s wife. My father, Arthur Burns, was a ruthless man. Marcus and I were sworn to each other long before we could walk. Our marriage was more of a business arrangement than anything else.” She sighs. “I knew what I was getting myself into. I’m far from naïve, Wade.”

“You knew?” And yet she put up with it.

“About her? Yes. For years. They fooled around in college, and I thought it would fizzle out. Then when we got married, it continued. I was devastated but I clearly didn’t make him very happy, but she did… for a while. Their affair stopped over a decade ago, and I can pinpoint the exact day because it’s when he started making an effort with me, that’s how I knew, felt it in my gut too. Things got slightly better between us but I could never forgive him. He loves me. I know he does, in his own weird way.” She takes a deep breath in then continues, “So while I knew about the affair, to answer your question of, did I know about you? No, Wade, I didn’t. You were a complete surprise to me.”

“I was a mistake.” My words come out as a whisper. I sound as lost as I feel.

“You were not a mistake, Wade, you were meant for a reason.”

“She hated me.”

“I know. Well, now I know. Lola and Kali told me everything.” She pauses when I flinch at the mention of Kali’s name. Nicki pats my hand. “He didn’t know how badly she treated you until recently. And with regards to Kali. I know you’re hurt and feel like she betrayed you, but you’ll eventuallysee what she did for you was for the best. Shewasprotecting your heart. I’ll give you some time to mull that over.”

How long do I have?

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